Moments In Between
by evitascarlett
Summary: A collection of deleted scenes, missing moments and even an alternate scene of two from Reflections; chronicling Jim and Johanna's life and love story through the years.
1. Chapter 1 - Come Over

_A/N: I know what you're all thinking; how can I possibly have deleted scenes, missing moments and alternates with my word count for Reflections (which has surpassed Apologize in words). The answer, I have no idea but I do. Sometimes I have to cut things and it just drives me crazy until I put it out there for you guys to read. I've posted 2 deleted scenes separately for Reflections but I've decided to start posting these things together so that you can find them easily and it's quicker for me too. I tend to work on deleted scenes between chapters or when I'm stuck, so basically this is my side gig so no one needs to come into my review box and say I'm neglecting Reflections or Redemption; I'm not. They're always being worked on in one way or another; sometimes I just have to see these little scenes through._

 _When I was writing the 'The Heart Wants What It Wants' arc where everything falls apart between Jim and Johanna when she finally demands a commitment, there's a scene in part 3 where Jim calls to make sure Johanna has gotten home safely after an argument they had. She confesses to having a migraine and he asks if she wants him to come over. I was torn about which version to use for this scene; it took me days to make up my mind…and while I don't regret choosing the one I did, this one still nags at me so I've decided to share it!_

Alternate Scene – 'Come Over' – from Chapter 42; Heart Wants –Part 3

Johanna had only been home long enough to change into her nightgown and swallow two pain relievers when the phone rang. The noise aggravated her headache and she stifled a groan as she crossed the living room to grab the offending advice. "Hello," she said tiredly.

"I just wanted to make sure you got home all right," Jim answered.

She closed her eyes at the sound of his voice, wishing more than anything that he could be there with her; that she could curl up in the circle of his arms and be taken care of for a little while. But that couldn't happen; not now, not with the way things were. "I'm fine," she murmured.

"Are you sure? You don't really sound fine."

"I'm okay; I didn't have any problems getting home."

"What's wrong, Johanna?" he asked; knowing there was something bothering her from the tone of her voice. "Besides the obvious."

"I have a migraine," she answered.

Jim was quiet for a moment. "Do you want me to come over?"

"Yes," Johanna whispered; her throat tight with emotion. "But you can't."

"Yes I can," he replied. "I can be there in a few minutes."

"You can't."

"Why not, sweetheart?"

"Because I don't want to give in on this," she told him; a tear rolling down her cheek.

"Jo…"

She took a shuddering breath. "I can't let you come here, Jim. If I do, things will go back to the way they were…and I need more…and you won't tell me why we can't have it."

"We don't need to go into that tonight when you're not feeling well," Jim replied. "Just let me come over…it doesn't have to mean anything if you don't want it to. I know you're still upset with me…but just let me come over and take care of you. I know you don't like to be alone when you don't feel well. I'll rub your forehead like the last time…remember, you said it helped. I'll leave when you go to sleep."

She wanted to let him come over so badly. She ached for his comfort…she wanted him to take care of her, wanted to be breathe in his scent and have him near. She wanted so much and yet she could only have so little it seemed.

"Jo, are you still there?" he asked quietly.

"I'm here," she murmured although her brain was screaming at her to end the call.

"Let me come over, sweetheart…I won't take it in any way as your mind being changed, I promise. Will you let me come?"

"Yes," she whispered, the soft breath that formed the word slipping across her lips before she could stop it.

"I'll be there in a few minutes," Jim replied before hurriedly ending the call.

Johanna hung up the phone, her eyes closing as a few more tears escaped from beneath her lashes. She was going to hate herself for this, she was sure of it.

* * *

About ten minutes later, Johanna heard the soft knock on her door. She was tempted to let it go unanswered; fearing that if she opened it that she was dooming herself to a lifetime of having nothing more than a no strings attached relationship with him. But she couldn't do that, her heart reminded her. She had already told him that he could come over…she couldn't take it back now. Her feet carried her slowly to the door and she released the locks and opened it, her gaze meeting Jim's as she did so.

He gave her a small hesitant smile, sensing her inner turmoil at having given in on the matter at hand. "It's alright, Jo," he said quietly as he stepped inside and closed the door.

She said nothing, her eyes closing as she tried to keep the tears at bay but they rebelled and spilled down her cheeks as she took a soft shuddering breath. Jim moved closer, his hand reaching out and cradling her cheek, his thumb wiping away her tears. "It's alright," he murmured once more. "I know it doesn't change anything right now…it's just a truce for the night. You're alright with a temporary truce, aren't you?"

"Yes," she whispered against her better judgment, but her head was throbbing and she just needed him so badly. A temporary truce didn't sound very threatening and she didn't feel strong enough to argue.

Jim's hand slipped away from her face, moving slowly and gently to her waist as he cautiously pulled her into his arms. When she settled into his embrace without resistance, he breathed a sigh of relief and held her tighter. He'd missed this. The knot in his stomach tightened, reminding him of the way things were between them at the moment but he ignored it, concentrating instead on the feel of her snuggling against his chest and the scent of her soap filling his senses. He brushed a kiss against her hair without thought. He hated himself for the mess he'd made of things but he just couldn't seem to work it out right. But maybe being there for her that night would show her something, what, he didn't know, but it had to count for something…even if it sent her scrambling back into avoidance for a day or two. The sound of the tea kettle startled them and he pulled back from her, keeping a hand on her arm to keep her from fleeing.

"I'll get your tea," he told her. "You go on in and get in your bed, sweetheart; I'll bring it to you."

"Okay," she said softly, forcing herself to step back from him. He moved toward the kitchen and she headed for her bedroom, aching to return to the comfort of his arms. It had felt so good to sink into his embrace, to feel his chest pressed against hers. She turned on the lamp on the nightstand and pulled back the covers on her bed. She crawled into her bed willingly and reached for the remote, turning on the TV for the sake of soft background noise and a distraction from the awkwardness that would probably linger between them.

Johanna heard Jim's footsteps approaching and she found herself struggling to find something to say. He stepped into the room and sat her mug down on the stand. "Be careful, it's hot," he warned quietly as she reached for it.

"Thank you," she said softly.

"You're welcome," he replied as he moved to the chair and sat down to take off his shoes.

Silence reigned between them as she sipped her tea while he moved across the room to the opposite side of the bed and sat down. He took off his watch and laid it on the nightstand before settling in next to her. Her heart throbbed, he looked so right there…she wanted him there all the time…but for some reason he didn't want the same thing. She sat her mug back on the nightstand and turned out the light before scooting down in the bed and laying her aching head on the pillow; her body automatically turning toward Jim and his warmth.

"Did you take something for your headache?" Jim asked.

"Yes."

"Is it helping yet?"

"No…but sometimes it doesn't."

"Should I take you to a doctor?"

She gave a slight shake of her head. "No, I've had worse ones. The medicine probably isn't in my system yet."

His eyes locked upon her face as the light from the TV cast it a glow. She was miserable…and he was sure that her headache was only responsible for half of the misery in her eyes. His fingertips reached out cautiously and trailed along the line of her jaw, the sheen of moisture in her eyes like a knife slicing through him. "Does it hurt that badly?" he asked.

That was a loaded question, Johanna thought to herself. She hurt clear down to her soul. "Everything hurts right now."

Jim nodded, reading between the lines. "I know."

"I wish it didn't have to be that way," she murmured.

"Shh," he said as he laid his fingers against her lips. "Truce tonight, remember?"

Her throat tightened and she turned away so that she could get a drink of her tea, hoping it would help her swallow the lump in her throat. They had agreed to a temporary truce and yet she had to keep fighting the urge to press…to ask why he didn't want her…what she could do to make him change his mind. She hated herself for those thoughts, they made her seem desperate…and yet she was desperate; desperate to make him hers…to give him all of her love.

"Turn over," he beckoned, his hand on her hip.

She did as he asked and his fingers fell against her forehead and began to massage the area. "Relax," he instructed. "You're too tense."

A soft scoff crossed her lips; the biggest cause of her tension was laying next to her. She should've said no. She shouldn't have let him come over.

"I know," he murmured; startling her out of her thoughts.

"You know what?"

"That I'm the cause…or at the very least, a large part of it."

Her gaze met his and held. "Yeah, you are."

Jim gave a nod. "I'm sorry."

It was on the tip of her tongue to say that he wasn't sorry enough but she refrained and focused on the feel of his fingertips massaging her forehead. "I guess it's just the way it's supposed to be," she replied.

"I'm sure we'll straighten it out eventually," he remarked as he continued to move his fingers across her skin.

Johanna swallowed hard. It wouldn't work out the right way if she kept giving in like this. She'd have to re-establish boundaries come morning. As if he sensed the direction of her thoughts and hoped to sway them, his lips brushed over hers. Her heart stirred, longing coursing through her body. She missed his kisses; the taste and feel of them, the way they conveyed so much. Without thought or intention, her lips parted slightly, capturing his as he made a second pass. He paused, caught by surprise at her acceptance and when she gave no sign of withdrawing her permission, he kissed her softly, fearful of treading too far. She was tired and didn't feel well. She was vulnerable and he couldn't take advantage of that…even if a part of him wished he could just for the sake of returning them to normalcy.

After a few more kisses to hold him over for awhile, Jim pulled back, returning his attention to the task he had begun, hoping the pressure of his fingertips would help ease the pain in her head. Johanna's tired green eyes flicked open and met his gaze. "Go to sleep, sweetheart," he murmured. "You'll feel better if you get some rest."

"You?" she whispered.

"I'll be gone before you get up just like I promised…and you can go back to being mad and I'll go back to trying to change your mind."

A soft sigh escaped her and he could hear her frustration in it. "It's not like I enjoy it."

"Sometimes you're too stubborn for your own good," he replied; his tone carrying a bite that he hadn't intended to unleash.

"Kind of like you," she remarked.

"Johanna," he said, his voice firm and quiet, his fingers falling away from her forehead.

"Truce, remember?" she said softly as she reached for his hand and placed his fingers back against her head.

He was the one feeling the frustration this time, a little voice in his head telling him that he shouldn't have pushed her into letting him come over. Maybe it had been a bad idea after all. He hadn't realized that he hadn't resumed his massage until she took hold of his fingers and began to move them back and forth against her forehead herself. "Is it helping?" he asked, his tone still gruff.

"A little…but you can go."

"Why?"

"Because I know you want to…it's okay, I'll be fine."

For a moment Jim was tempted to slip away from her and leave…but he had a feeling that if he did, she'd take it as yet another form of rejection and there'd be another mark against him. But then on the other hand, is brain was telling him to flee; to go home and sort himself out and think of a new plan, one that might get through her thick skull. His internal debate stalled as he felt her turning away from him, his hand falling to the empty space between them.

"Make sure the door locks, please," she said softly.

The words dampened his frustration and he reached out and pulled her into his arms. "Truce," he whispered in her ear.

The word echoed in her mind and once more her heart betrayed her as she turned and settled against his chest, breathing in his scent and absorbing his warmth. Jim adjusted his hold her, closing his eyes as he gently rested his cheek against the top of her head. He missed quiet moments like this when she'd be cuddled up against him. He breathed deeply and exhaled…they'd figure things out sooner or later…he'd prefer sooner but Johanna seemed to be leaning toward later. That was just like a woman, he figured. But he shook off the thought as she shifted and made herself more comfortable in his arms. She let him in the door…she let him into her bed. It had to mean that he still had a thread to hang on to and he wasn't going to let go of it until it unraveled into nothingness.

Johanna battled her own turmoil as the sound of his heartbeat began to lull her. She had to remember the boundaries that had to go back into place…but sunrise was hours away; there was no need to think of it now; not with her head still aching and comfort available. She just needed him tonight…it was a weak moment. She was only human after all, not made of steel. Her heart often overruled her head. It was something she had to learn to balance…but not tonight. For tonight she could just be with Jim; it wasn't ideal like it usually was; but he was there and that was all that mattered as she fell asleep.

* * *

In the morning, Johanna woke alone and she smoothed her hand across the wrinkled sheets where Jim had laid until sometime early that morning. He'd kept his promise…and a part of her wished he hadn't. She didn't know what time it had been when he brushed a kiss against her cheek but she had felt the loneliness that his departure brought even in her sleepy haze. He was like a drug…and she was addicted…and there was no cure to be found for that addiction. She shook that thought away and reminded herself of what the cost of giving in could be if he didn't give something in return.

 _A/N: I'll have that deleted scene from Jim's birthday chapter._


	2. Chapter 2 - The Way It Is

_A/N: Thanks for your reviews!_

 _This scene was from the day after Jim's birthday in chapter 47; Johanna suggested that he have lunch with his mother._

Deleted Scene – The Way It Is- from Chapter 47

Jim sat at a table at his mother's favorite outdoor café and waited patiently for her arrival. His invitation to lunch hadn't been well received by Elizabeth Beckett and he had to force himself not to hang up the phone and forget the whole thing as she railed against the idea. He persevered however and somehow managed to guilt her into coming. He scoffed to himself as he took a sip of water; he better cherish that moment, it wasn't likely to happen again.

As if she knew she was being thought about, Elizabeth came into view and strolled down the sidewalk toward the café. He rose from his chair and conjured up a smile for her as she neared him. She had claimed not be interested in meeting for lunch and yet she had dressed for it as if it were a special occasion, he noted. She was wearing her favorite pink dress and her pearls…pearls were always an indicator that something was being taken seriously. "You look pretty today," he told her as he stepped toward her and kissed her cheek.

"Don't start sucking up to me now," Elizabeth remarked as he pulled out a chair for her. "I don't even know why I'm here."

"Because you love me and you need to eat lunch," Jim replied as he retook his seat. "I'm buying; you can't pass up a deal like that."

She scoffed as she signaled a waiter. "Don't be so sure of that."

Elizabeth asked the waiter for an iced tea and after she was served and had been handed her menu, she got straight to business with her son. "Why aren't you having lunch with your little trollop?"

"Probably because I don't know any trollops," he replied without missing a beat.

"You know who I mean."

Jim's gaze flicked to her face. "No, I don't think I do. If you have someone specific in mind, I suggest you use that person's given name."

Elizabeth took a sip of her tea. "Why aren't you having lunch with…"

He gave a nod. "That's it, come on, you can do it, say her name…it's not hard to pronounce."

"Johanna," she spat.

Jim smiled. "Now that wasn't so hard, was it?"

His mother pursed her lips in irritation. "You still haven't answered my question, James."

He decided to be honest with his mother instead of lying about the reason. "I asked Johanna to have lunch with me but she declined…she said I should spend some time with the other woman in my life."

"And that woman declined too so you called to bother me?" Elizabeth asked.

"No, Mother; the woman she was referring to was you. I'm not unfaithful to a person once I make a commitment to them; nor would Johanna tolerate an open relationship."

A look of indignation flashed across his mother's face. "So you've only asked me to have lunch with you because your little girlfriend told you to!"

Jim shook his head. "No; I'm here with you because I want to be. If I didn't want to have lunch with you, I wouldn't have called regardless of what she suggested. She doesn't control me and my choices."

Elizabeth scoffed. "I'm going to have to beg to differ on that one. Seems to me that she's got you wrapped around her little finger…but after what I saw in your apartment, I guess it's easy to see why you go along with her so willingly."

"Meaning what?" he asked; his tone somewhat stern.

"Meaning she's easy…men always do the bidding of a woman who's easy and promises a good time in return."

"Johanna isn't like that," Jim retorted. "I can't lie about the nature of our relationship since you walked into the middle of it, not that I think it's anything to be ashamed of; but I can tell you that she isn't the kind of woman who's easy. If she was, we would've been having an intimate relationship long ago."

"So you say," she said as the waiter returned to take their order.

"Don't you ever get tired of being that way?" he asked after the waiter had left.

"Being what way?"

"Judgmental," he remarked. "You don't even know Johanna and yet you constantly want to judge her without merit.

"I'm not judgmental," she retorted. "I just have the ability to spot trouble when I see it, and that girl is trouble. And I sure as hell don't need her instigating lunch dates between me and my children. You tell her to mind her own damn business."

"You make it sound like she had some devious intention," Jim replied. "She wasn't trying to get in your business."

"Then what do you call it?"

"It's called being nice," he replied. "And you should probably take into account that you haven't given her much reason to be nice to you…but she does her best."

"Because she wants to wiggle her way into our family."

He shook his head. "She isn't trying to wiggle into anything. You imagine things."

Elizabeth eyed him. "When I look at her, I see nothing but trouble. She's a schemer. She'll make you miserable in the long run."

Jim smiled at her. "I wasn't aware that you could see into the future, Mother. How long have you been hiding that talent from us?"

"Don't be flippant," she retorted. "I stand by my statement."

"You said the same thing about Natalie and yet she and Michael are very happy together."

She wrinkled her nose. "Don't even get me started on her. Your brother could've done better."

"No, I don't think he could have. Natalie is who he's supposed to be with."

She scoffed. "And I suppose you think Johanna's who you're supposed to be with?"

"I haven't made any proposals but I intend to keep her as long as she'll have me."

"Oh, Jimmy," she said in disgust as the waiter arrived with their food.

Jim waited until the waiter was gone before he met his mother's gaze and held it. "I think your problem is that you can't pick out who your children spend their lives with."

Elizabeth blew on her soup. "I could do a lot better than the lot of you are doing."

"No, you couldn't."

"Why not? Because I'd choose decent candidates that know what's proper and what isn't; that know how to respect their elders and know their place?"

"No; because you know us only as your children. You don't know your sons as men."

"That's ridiculous!" she thundered.

"No, it isn't," he said patiently. "You don't know our minds or dreams. You don't know what we want in a woman, and before you say it, it isn't cheap thrills. You can get cheap thrills anywhere but women like Natalie and Johanna, you can't."

Elizabeth rolled her eyes. "She's really got you snowed."

"No, she doesn't. We're not blind to each others faults. I know she can be overly emotional and temperamental. She knows I can be jealous and pig headed…like my mother."

Her head jerked upwards. "Are you calling me a pig?"

"No, Mother. I said pig headed…as in hard headed…stubborn…you get the idea?"

"Keep going and you'll get my foot up your backside."

Jim smiled. "Oh I don't think you'll do that; remember that time you tried to kick Andrew in the backside because he kept running past your chair blowing a whistle? You ended up kicking the stand and breaking a toe."

"Next time I'll get it right," she remarked.

"Why do you get so upset about things that there's no reason to get upset over?" he asked.

"To me there is a reason. I don't like to see you make mistakes."

"You don't know it's a mistake."

"Yes, I do! She's got trouble written all over her."

Jim blew out a frustrated breath. "That assumption is wearing thin. Tell me what it is that brands her as trouble. Give me a list. Is it because she's a career woman?"

"No," she spat. "Although it isn't a professional most women aspire to."

"You'd be surprised about that," he retorted. "Is it because she doesn't cower in your presence?"

"No…although I'm not a fan of her flippant attitude. She thinks she's cute and she isn't."

He grinned. "I think she's adorable."

"I guess so when her underwear is laying on your floor."

He shot her a look. "Is that what it is? You're aware of the fact that we have an intimate relationship?"

"No," she sniffed; "But I don't approve of such things outside of marriage. Decent women wait…loose women don't, as you know all too well."

"Johanna isn't a loose woman. She doesn't sleep around; she's not like that. I know her past and believe me, it's nowhere near what you want to act like it is. My past is more sordid than hers is."

"She's still a slut."

"No, she isn't; and I want you to quit calling her that," he said firmly. "You don't know anything about her."

Elizabeth smirked at him. "Then why don't you tell me all about your perfect little angel."

Jim took a sip of his drink and then held her gaze. "What would you like to know about her? I'll tell you anything you want to know."

His mother pursed her lips, clearly unhappy that he hadn't taken the bait and instead had called her bluff. "What kind of people does she come from?"

"The normal kind; a mother and a father."

"Smart ass," she retorted. "You know what I mean. What kind of people are they?"

"The upstanding respectable kind," he answered. "Her father owns McKenzie-Thorton industries."

"Construction," she sniffed.

"Construction and real estate," he corrected; "And it's earned him a very nice, comfortable living. They're not hurting for money. Don't stick your nose up in the air."

"And her mother?"

"Naomi is a housewife and she gives piano lessons."

"Do they go to church?"

"Naomi does; I don't know about Frank."

"Did they give you leave to address them so informally?"

"Naomi has," he replied. "I haven't met Frank yet but I'm sure I will soon."

"What church does Mrs. McKenzie attend?"

Jim shifted in his seat. "I believe she and her mother attend Saint Mary's."

"Saint Mary's?" Elizabeth repeated. "That's a Catholic church!"

He nodded. "They're Catholic."

"Johanna's a Catholic?"

"Yes."

"Oh my God; a Catholic!" she exclaimed.

"Don't start, Mother. There's nothing wrong with Catholics. They've never done anything to you."

Elizabeth shook her head. "This is worse than I thought."

He gave a short laugh. "What does it matter what religion she is? We all believe in the same God."

"I don't care for Catholics," Elizabeth sniffed. "No one I know does."

"You're wrong about that. I don't care what a person's religion is. My brothers don't care either, neither does Dad. If it makes you feel any better, Johanna only goes to church on the holidays."

"Why am I not surprised?" she replied. "Maybe she ought to go to church more often instead of what she's been spending her weekends doing. Some Catholic she is."

He smiled. "Well if you feel she's going against the religion that should ease your mind about her being Catholic, now shouldn't it?"

"No."

Jim sighed and decided to throw his sister under the bus. "If you think Madelyn's still a virgin, you're mistaken."

Outrage colored his mother's features. "How dare you insinuate that your sister does such things! And how would you know anyway!"

"I know because Andrew walked in on her."

"In my house?" Elizabeth exclaimed in a hushed voice.

"No, at his former best friend's house…that's why Chuck is his former best friend. They had words about the whole thing. So you see, those traditions of the old days are fading away. You can't judge someone else's daughter when your own daughter does the same thing."

"I refuse to believe that," she replied, her hand clutching a linen napkin.

"You can refuse to believe it all you want; but it doesn't change anything."

"I don't want to hear anymore of that talk," Elizabeth said tartly. "What clubs does Johanna's mother belong to?"

He shrugged. "I don't know, she's never mentioned any. Maybe she doesn't belong to any clubs."

She sniffed. "It figures."

"What does belonging to clubs have to do with anything?" he asked.

"Social standing," she snapped.

Jim rolled his eyes. "I believe she helps out at the church and I'm not saying that she for sure doesn't belong to a club, just that Johanna hadn't mentioned any; not that it matters. Naomi doesn't need to belong to a list of clubs to prove anything to anyone. Maybe she liked being home with her kids instead of running off to club meetings all the time."

Elizabeth looked taken aback by the statement. "And just what do you mean by that?"

"Well let's think about this; you belonged to a lot of clubs when we were growing up. The garden club, the bridge club, the ladies auxiliary at the church, the parents group at the schools; the library group, shuffleboard…those are just off the top of my head. You were always running off to one meeting or another…and now that we're all grown up and gone, you only belong to the garden club, the bridge club and you participate occasionally in church functions. Some people might think all of those clubs were a reason to get away from your five kids at home."

"Sometimes I needed to get away," she said tartly. "Do you think it's easy trying to raise four rambunctious boys and a girl; especially with your father giving in to everything every time I turned around. There were times when he was like a sixth kid with the way he had to be out in the dirt or encouraging your shenanigans. I needed to be around people who didn't need their noses wiped, their meat cut, and a box of band-aids every day."

Jim nodded. "It's fine that you needed to get away; but don't judge someone else because they didn't have the need. You go to your clubs because you enjoy them…not because of social standing. I don't see your name in the society pages, Mom. Those clubs haven't made you anything more than what you are; the wife of a banker and the mother of a banker, a solider, a lawyer, a real estate contractor, and a retail seller. And there's nothing wrong with that."

She scoffed. "You know nothing about how society and social standing works."

"Maybe not…and I'm glad for it. Now what else do you want to know?"

"Siblings?"

"Johanna has an older brother, Frankie; he's the vice president of their father's company. He's married to a very nice lady named Valerie and they have a son, Greg. She has a younger sister, Colleen, she's married to Paul Weston and she's an interior decorator. She has one grandparent still living, Sophia Calabrese, she lives in Brooklyn."

"Calabrese? That's an Italian name."

"Johanna's Italian on her mother's side."

Elizabeth shook her head. "Well that explains a lot."

His brow rose. "You have a problem with Italians too?"

"They do seem to be troublemakers," she replied.

"No more than anyone else," he retorted. "Her father's side is Irish."

"That's a lovely combination."

"Part of Dad's side of the family is Irish," Jim reminded her. "That makes your kids part Irish."

"Yes, but my family is English…it balances things out."

"Only if you believe in things like that…which I don't."

"Well I do," she retorted. "Where did she go to school?"

"She went to Columbia; graduated with honors in the top ten of her class."

"And before Columbia?"

"Public school…just like me."

"And does she belong to any organizations?"

"Yeah; she belongs to the bar, just like me."

"I wasn't talking about work organizations."

"No; she doesn't belong to any clubs."

"I'm not surprised; she really doesn't have the temperament for it."

"I believe that your temperament is worse than hers."

"Of course you're going to say that," Elizabeth remarked. "You always take her side and jump at her command."

"I do not. I told you the plans for my birthday were my doing, not hers. She asked what I wanted and I told her and she made it happen. It was exactly what I wanted. I wasn't trying to hurt your feelings; I had no idea that you'd decide that you wanted to cook dinner. You had to have thought that by that late in the game that I might have other plans."

"You could've canceled."

"I didn't want to. I offered you alternatives but you didn't want them. If you can't have things your way, then you're not willing to have them any way and there's going to be times when that bites you in the ass, Mom."

"You'll be sorry one day," she told him. "One day I won't be here and you'll wish you had given me more consideration."

"Don't start that again," Jim told her. "You're not going anywhere for a very long time and I refuse to discuss otherwise. You're the one who doesn't give anyone else consideration. You didn't want to compromise…and I don't appreciate you calling Johanna at work and demanding that she cancel our plans."

She smirked. "So the Princess told you about my call, did she?"

"She told me this morning…and she's a lot more understanding of it than I am or would be. You didn't have any right to do that. She's not keeping me from you; she's not trying to come between us. The only person coming between us is you. You don't respect part of me."

"What on earth are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about how you don't respect the choices I make. You don't give me credit for knowing whose worthy of my time. You don't respect my relationship."

"She's not right for you!"

"That's not your choice to make," he said firmly. "I love Johanna. Nothing you can say or do will change that. She loves me and she's good for me; she makes me happy. That should be all that matters to you. I don't know what the future holds, we're taking our time…but I know that I can't imagine not being with her and that's something I couldn't say about any other woman. Every time you disrespect her, you're disrespecting me; because she's a part of me whether you like it or not. That's just the way it is."

"So you don't care if I approve or not?" Elizabeth asked.

"No, I don't. I want you to approve, because you're my mother and I love you…but it's not a requirement and it won't change anything if you continue to deny that approval. I don't know why you're so against Johanna but I hope one day you can get past it. What did she ever do to you?"

"I just don't like her."

"Give me a reason."

"She's hoity toity; you can tell that she thinks she's all that and a bag of chips."

"She does not."

"She has an attitude problem."

Jim swallowed a bite of his sandwich. "I believe that translates into 'she has a back bone and comes back at you when you're throwing your digs at her."

Elizabeth remained silent as she ate a few crackers that had come with her soup.

"Anything else?" he asked.

"I believe I've said it all before…but it just falls of deaf ears."

"I think if you'd put aside those knee jerk reactions, you'd find that you'd like her. You'd probably find that you have some things in common."

"Like what?" she scoffed.

"This café for instance," Jim replied. "It's one of her favorite places to eat lunch."

Elizabeth's nose wrinkled. "Hopefully I won't run into her here."

Jim sighed. "She likes roses."

"Everyone likes roses."

"She's a fan of All My Children."

Elizabeth shifted in her seat; her lips firmly pressed together. She did love her stories but she wasn't about to share it with some stuck up little miss.

"She enjoys cooking."

"Yes, I know," she snapped. "You've sung her culinary praises."

"You act like I've degraded your cooking," he replied; "And I haven't, I like everything you make."

"Except my fried chicken," she said tartly.

He wasn't going to lie. "Yes, but I'm sure if you didn't burn it I would enjoy it."

"I guess she wins in that category doesn't she?"

"It's not a competition, Mom. She's also family oriented. She goes home for dinner every Sunday; she talks to her mother on the phone often. She has lunch with her sister a few times a month and she's also a hands on aunt with her nephew. She loves children."

"I've already heard about her magical way with children. Angela sings her praises for days every time she sees the woman."

"Shouldn't that count for something?" Jim asked. "Children are sometimes a very good judge of character in cases like this."

Elizabeth rolled her eyes. "Angela would follow a butterfly into a volcano."

"Angie's a little girl with an open heart and an intelligent mind. I don't know why she rubs you the wrong way."

"She doesn't rub me the wrong way," Elizabeth retorted. "She's my granddaughter, I love her."

"You might want to tell her that sometime," Jim replied.

"What are you getting at?"

"Angie's mentioned a few times that she thinks you don't like her very much."

"That's nonsense; why would she think that?" Elizabeth said in outrage. "Natalie's probably filling her head."

"No, she isn't. Angie thinks that because of the way you brush her off at times and because every time she's excited about something and tries to share it with you, you have to pop her bubble. She adores you and yet there are times when you say something sharp to her and I just see her little face fall."

"She's overly sensitive."

"Maybe you're overly firm."

"You just want to change the subject so we don't have to discuss the mistake you're making!" Elizabeth retorted.

"I'm not making a mistake," he said firmly. "You made the mistake of not informing me of your intentions far enough in advance. You made another mistake when you called my girlfriend at work and tried to coerce her into canceling our plans. You're wrong when you accuse her of things she's never done and call her names. You're wrong when you accuse her of keeping me from you…"

"Well doesn't she!" his mother exclaimed. "You're always with her; her plans always take precedence over mine!"

"First of all, no she doesn't keep me from you. Second, I've been around as usual; sometimes I get busy with work and like to have a day to myself and I don't apologize for that. The plans for my birthday weren't Johanna's, they were mine; and yes, if we already have plans, they get precedence unless there's an emergency or something that can't wait. Dad taught us that it isn't polite to stand a lady up after you've asked her out."

Elizabeth smirked. "Your father's teachings are the only ones you ever listen to."

"That's not true; just like it isn't true that Johanna's trying to come between us. She'd never do that."

"She had me barred from your home!"

"No, she didn't. I never barred you from my home; all I did was take back my key so we don't have anymore incidents like the one we had. You're more than welcome to come knock on the door; I'll let you in. I never said you couldn't visit…I just said you couldn't let yourself in anymore."

"Because of her."

"Because I'm a grown man and I'm entitled to privacy in my own home. You don't need to be walking in unannounced regardless of who might be in my bed when you do."

"She's turning you against me."

"No, she isn't. I admit there are times lately when I'm not happy with you but that's not Johanna's doing, it's yours. I get tired of hearing you harp about my relationship. I get tired of you maligning her for no reason. Don't you want me to be happy?"

"Of course I do."

Jim held her gaze. "Johanna makes me happy. I love her and your opinion can't change that. The sooner you accept that, the better you'll feel. It doesn't make me feel good to know that my mother has such disdain for something that makes me happy…that she doesn't think enough of me to believe that I'm capable of making decisions for myself regarding the person I allow into my heart."

"So really you've asked me to lunch to lecture me and guilt trip me?" Elizabeth asked.

"No; I was just hoping we could talk and maybe you'd feel better about things…but I can see that I've been talking to a brick wall the whole time."

"You're a very good brick wall yourself," she retorted.

Jim sighed as he reached for his drink; a thought coming to mind as he swallowed. "Grandpa doesn't like Dad," he remarked.

Elizabeth's gaze flicked to his face. "That's not a newsflash, Jimmy."

"Dad always told us how even though you were a grown woman, that while you were living under Grandpa's roof; he thought he could control you. He told us how sometimes when you wanted to meet with him, you'd have to say you were going to bed early and then you'd climb out the window and down the trellis to where Dad would be waiting for you."

"What's that got to do with anything?" she asked.

Jim shrugged. "I just wonder what happened to that girl."

Elizabeth's brow furrowed in puzzlement. "What do you mean?"

"I mean I wonder what happened to that girl…apparently she knew what it was like to find someone that made her happy…someone that made things worthwhile. She knew what it was like to have the disapproval of a parent when it came to her choice of who to love. You'd think she'd carry that with her…that it would make her more understanding."

"My situation is completely different."

"Not really…and now you've taken on the role that your father held…and you're too pretty to be taking on Grandpa's role," Jim said with a smile.

She narrowed her eyes at him. "Don't try to flatter me now."

"You get your feathers ruffled because I tell you the truth."

Elizabeth sighed. "Are we done? Don't you have to go back to work?"

Jim checked his watch. "I've got a longer break today than usual…I'm slightly offended that you want to leave me and my sparkling conversation."

She scoffed. "I wish you had sparkling conversation. Apparently I've gone wrong with you in more ways than I thought."

"It's alright, Mom; you've made worse mistakes."

"Like what?"

"Like giving birth to William, but don't worry, we forgive you for it…and of course give some blame to Dad."

"James Robert!" she exclaimed. "Your brother was not a mistake."

"He had to be, you don't create something like that on purpose."

"I don't know why you two can't get along," she huffed.

"Because we hate each other," he replied.

"Why?"

"Because that's just the way it is. He thinks I'm beneath him and I think he has a stick up his ass."

"He does not!"

"Yes he does…and we all know he's your favorite."

"He is not," she said as she swatted his wrist with her linen napkin. "I don't play favorites among my children. You're all equally horrible."

Jim laughed. "It's good to know we haven't failed you in that case."

A genuine smile tipped her lips upwards in for the first time since she arrived. "It's alright; I still love all of you despite your flaws, your smart ass attitudes, and in the case of my sons, your tastes in girlfriends."

"We'll all sleep easier tonight," he quipped.

"I know you all prefer your father over me," Elizabeth stated.

He shook his head. "That's not true; we love you both. Dad just takes things better."

"Yes…he's always been good like that. But I'm a different kind of person, Jimmy. I have beliefs that can't be changed."

"I wasn't trying to change you…I was just trying to show you that there's nothing for you to get so worked up about. You can have your beliefs while also accepting the choices your children make."

Elizabeth sighed. "I don't want to have this conversation anymore today. If you insist on chasing after this girl, then by all means do so. You'll be sorry but I suppose if that's the way you want it, so be it. Just don't come crying to me when it crashes and burns because I don't want to hear it."

"What if it doesn't crash and burn?"

"For God's sake, Jimmy; don't marry her."

"Who said I was getting married?"

"I feel like you'd do it just to spite me," she retorted.

"No, I wouldn't; that would be cruel to the woman I marry."

Elizabeth studied her son, tension evident in her jaw. "Just promise me that you'll think long and hard when it comes to marriage…especially to her."

"Mom," he sighed.

"It's not an unreasonable request."

"I haven't proposed to her; good God, we've only been dating for a month."

"Promise me," she insisted.

"I promise that I will always give a lot of thought to the topic if the idea of marriage should strike me, okay?"

His mother nodded. "That's all I ask."

"And I'm going to ask you not to call Johanna at work anymore…unless it's an emergency and you can't get a hold of me and need to get a message to me."

"I would never give her a message for you," she said firmly.

"Fine; then don't call her at all. She doesn't seem to have minded it but I do."

"Why does it bother you if it didn't bother her?"

"Because I don't want you thinking you can make a habit of it."

"The Princess is safe from further phone calls."

Jim released a weighted breath. "I guess Princess is a better name than what you have been calling her."

"I'm glad it suits your requirements."

"You could just call her Johanna."

Elizabeth eyed him. "I've got plenty of names for her."

"Stick to Princess then if you must have a nickname for her."

His mother smirked at him. "I'm glad we've settled that; I'll sleep easy tonight too."

"That's good; I wouldn't want you losing any beauty sleep. Maybe the next time we have lunch together we can have more pleasant conversations."

"We can hope," she replied; "But I doubt it. I don't expect I'll be invited again unless your girlfriend issues her command."

"You know, sometimes you make me want to smack my head off a wall," Jim remarked.

"I know the feeling," she stated. "I've felt that way every day since I've started having children."

"Guess you and Dad should've found a hobby then instead of having so many."

"Jimmy!" she exclaimed, a blush coloring her cheeks.

He laughed. "There's something else you have in common with Johanna; she blushes too."

"I'm leaving," Elizabeth said as she rose from her chair. "Thank you for lunch…even if you weren't the best company."

"We'll do better next time," he told her as he got up and moved to her side and then pulled her into a hug.

Elizabeth surprised him by hugging him tightly and clinging for a moment longer than usual. "I didn't bring your birthday card," she said quietly.

"It's alright," he replied. "I'll get it Sunday."

She gave a nod as she released him. "I'll walk you to the car," Jim said. "Just let me pay the check first."

After he paid for their meal, he gave his arm to his mother and walked her to her car. He kissed her cheek and opened the door for her. "Be careful getting home."

"I will be," she said. "I know how to drive."

"I know, Mother; but you can't say I didn't show that I care."

"I suppose that's true."

"I'll see you Sunday."

"You better," she retorted.

He smiled. "I'll be there…make pork chops."

"Fine…give my regards to the Princess…who still isn't invited."

Jim lowered his head. "And here I thought we were going to end on a high note. Bye, Mom; I have to get back to work," he said as he shut her door for her.

She smiled, as if proud to get in the last word and then she started the engine and drove away with a wave.

He watched her go, feeling like he hadn't really achieved anything…but then again, he'd be a fool if he had thought he would. One thing for certain, if he ever did marry Johanna, holidays would probably be hell.

* * *

That evening, Jim let himself into Johanna's apartment. He put his keys on the stand and sat his briefcase near the door and then followed the smell of dinner into the kitchen. At the sound of his footsteps, Johanna looked up from the stove. "Hey," she smiled.

"Hey, sweetheart," he replied as he moved closer and gave her a soft kiss on her lips. "I'm sorry I'm late."

"It's alright, we've all had those last minute calls from a client."

"I know but sometimes it's like the universe is trying to orchestrate my absence from your table."

Johanna laughed. "We can't be having that."

"No, we can't. What are we having?"

"I had a craving for a burger," she replied. "Is that alright?"

He nodded. "Sounds good to me."

"And there's homemade macaroni and cheese."

Jim smiled. "I hope you made extra; you know I love when you make that."

"There's plenty," she assured. "How did your lunch date go with your mom?"

He grabbed a glass from the set table and got a drink. "She sends her regards."

Johanna gave a short laugh. "Were they issued with sarcasm?"

"A little bit," he admitted. "There were times when I regretted taking your suggestion."

"Why's that?" she asked as she grabbed the plates from the table so that she could fill them.

"Because it went about as expected."

She gave him a smile. "So I guess that means I'm still a floozy who's trying to get my hooks in you and keeping you away from your mother."

Jim sat down at the table. "She's got a new nickname for you."

"I'm afraid to ask."

"She calls you Princess now," he replied. "I figure that's better than the ones she's been using so I allowed it to pass."

Johanna nodded. "I'm sure it's a sarcastic princess but I can live with it…when she tells me to my face I'll thank her and tell her that I have always aspired to be royalty."

He laughed. "Do you want to invite her over to dinner so you can get that out of the way?"

"No; I think we'll stay clear of each other as much as possible. Maybe when she gets used to things she'll feel better."

"Princess is my mother's version of better, sweetheart. Were your ears burning during lunch?"

"Come to think of it, they did itch a little," she admitted.

"Who did you eat with?" he asked.

"I managed to steal Sharon and Maggie away from Phil and Jeff. Jeff didn't mind but Phil wasn't too happy."

"He'll get over it; you girls have a right to have lunch together without any men present."

"I think he's a little controlling."

"Sharon should've thought about the marriage thing a little longer," he replied; his mother's words about the topic flicking through his brain.

Johanna nodded. "I think so too but I keep my mouth shut for the most part. I don't want to alienate her."

"That's understandable; it's her choice anyway. Phil's a good guy but when it does come to her he is a bit on the controlling side but if that's what she wants to put up with, so be it."

"I agree. So…has she thought up any new faults of mine?"

"Yes, she now knows you're Catholic."

"Oh God," she muttered. "She's one of those people who hate Catholics, isn't she?"

"I wouldn't say hate but she's not overly fond of them. I tried to make it better by telling her you don't go to church that often but it didn't help."

"Anything else?"

"She believes being part Italian is proof of you being trouble."

"Italian hater too," she remarked. "This isn't going to be pretty the next time we see each other, is it?"

"Probably no more than usual. I did tell her not to call you at work anymore unless there was an emergency and she couldn't reach me."

"I doubt she'd call me for that."

"But at least it's out there," he replied, keeping quiet about the fact that his mother agreed with the assumption that she'd never call Johanna to leave a message.

"Well despite all the talk about me that apparently went on, I hope you were able to have a nice lunch."

"It was fine."

"Maybe you should do it more often…like a once a month thing so she doesn't feel disconnected from you."

Jim smiled. "She told me to tell you that she doesn't need you to set up lunch dates for her."

Johanna's gaze met his. "You told her I suggested it?"

"Yes, she wanted to know why I wasn't having lunch with you."

"Are you crazy!" she exclaimed. "You shouldn't have told her that. This is one of those things you lie to your mother about!"

"It's not that big of a deal."

"Yes, it is; I already had plenty of black marks against me and now you've added three more; Catholic Italian who suggested a lunch date for the two of you."

"Sorry," he replied with a sheepish smile.

She sighed. "I might to think twice about giving you seconds now."

"Don't be cruel; I'll do better next time."

"We'll see. The next time you have lunch with her you better convince her it's all your idea. Don't even mention me."

"She'll mention you."

"Answer and move the conversation to another topic."

"Maybe you should have lunch with her," he suggested. "You'd probably be better at it."

"I don't think it's a good idea for your mother and I to be sitting at a table that might have knives on it…it can't end well."

"Good point. Tomorrow I'm having lunch with you."

Johanna smiled. "Sounds good to me…let's go to the park on our break."

"Okay, we can grab some sandwiches and do that."

"And we won't talk about mothers," she said in amusement.

Jim nodded. "That's the number one requirement."

"Deal…and since I adore your handsome face, I'll forgive you for putting three more marks against me in your mother's book of evilness and I'll give you seconds tonight."

He laughed. "See, you're very understanding and forgiving, that's one of the reasons I love you."

"I love you too…and if your mother always hates me, it's okay, I'm still going to love you...nothing can change that, it's just the way it is."

His hand reached for hers and held it. "I appreciate it…and it's mutual."

"I know," Johanna smiled. "We don't need to talk about it anymore. Eat your dinner and tell me about the rest of your day."

A smile touched his lips. He didn't need to worry, Johanna could handle his mother, she had what it took…there wasn't a doubt in his mind about it.


	3. Chapter 3 - Anniversary

_A/N: I had hoped to have this scene ready to post yesterday as it was the 'anniversary' of the first chapter of Reflections (6/7/2013) but real life got in the way. Anyway, as I celebrate three years of Reflections (I can't believe it's been that long!) I want to thank all of you for giving this story a chance and allowing me to have the freedom to write what I want without ridicule for it. I love all of my reviewers (the nice ones anyway) but those of you who stick with Jim and Johanna's love story, well you're extra special to me. Thank you! Here's to the years to come…because we've still got a long way to go!_

 _This scene is from chapter 44, which is the chapter when Jim and Johanna finally became a couple. This scene takes place the afternoon of their 'morning after'. Fun fact: It took J/J three years to get together…and it took me three years to get them there, totally a coincidence but also cool that it worked out that way!_

Anniversary- Deleted Scene- from Chapter 44

Despite Jim's intentions to linger in bed with Johanna as long as possible, the need for food had made itself known, pulling him from his light slumber. He poked a finger at his girlfriend's sleeping form, wanting to rouse her in hopes of a meal. He smiled a little as the term 'girlfriend' flicked through his mind. He liked the title she now held…although technically he felt as though she had held it unofficially for quite sometime…even if he had always denied it. It didn't matter though, it was official now…things could get back to normal…better than normal, Jim amended, another smile touching his lips as he continued to gently poke her. He did feel better about things once she had told him about the good foundation that they had already built together. She was right about that, they did have a more solid starting base than most couples. He would still worry a little, but not as much. All that mattered was that she was his and he was hers…and he had a feeling that somewhere in his heart he had always known it would come to this ever since that first time he had kissed her.

A pang of hunger pulled Jim from his musings and he trailed his fingers down Johanna's spine, getting more serious with his wake up tactics. "Jo," he spoke.

She didn't respond. He shifted closer, bringing his lips close to her ear as he gave her hip a shake. "Jo."

"Hmm?" she asked sleepily.

"You didn't make breakfast," he remarked.

The statement pulled her from her sleepy haze. "What?"

"You didn't make breakfast," he said again. "Remember, that's complimentary with an overnight stay."

Johanna squinted against the sunlight filtering into the room and glanced at the clock before turning toward him. "It's 11:30, breakfast is over," she informed him.

"But it never got started."

She smirked at him. "Oh I wouldn't say that."

He grinned at her innuendo laced statement. "Okay, you've got me there…but what about the food variety of breakfast?"

Johanna shrugged a bare shoulder. "You snooze you lose?"

Jim sighed dramatically. "Are you really going to let me starve? I mean I'm pretty sure this café offers lunch."

A soft laugh crossed her lips as they curved upwards in a smile. "Sometimes I think you only hang around here to get fed."

"That's not true," he laughed. "I hang around for you…getting fed is just a bonus…and now there are other bonuses as well."

Her cheeks warmed at the suggestive note in his tone. "As long as the bonuses aren't all you're here for," she quipped.

"You know what I'm here for," he replied, brushing a kiss against her lips. "But seriously, are you going to feed me or not?"

Johanna's laughter filled the air around them. "Can I shower first?"

"If you must," Jim answered. "Do you need assistance? I'm willing to help out."

"No, I think I can manage on my own," she said as she moved to the edge of the bed and searched the floor for her lingerie.

"I don't know why you're bothering to put all that back on," he remarked. "You'll just be taking it back off to get in the shower."

"I don't think a bra and a pair of panties can be consider as 'putting _all_ of that back on," Johanna remarked as she finished her task and got up from the bed. "And I'm doing it because I don't walk around naked."

"That's a shame," Jim replied as he watched her cross the room and grab her robe from the chair.

"Sorry to disappoint you," she said lightly as she headed for the door.

"Wait, what are you going to make me for lunch?" he called out.

"Whatever I find when I get to the kitchen," she remarked. "It'll be a surprise."

Jim smiled at her retreating figure. "I like surprises."

"Me too, the good ones anyway…you can keep the bad ones."

"Let's just pretend bad ones don't exist."

"Sounds good to me," Johanna replied from the hallway. "I won't be long…I hope you won't die of starvation while I'm in here."

"I'll do my best to hang on," he called back.

"I'd appreciate that; it would really kill the mood today if you didn't."

Jim smiled as he remained in her bed. He hoped there wouldn't be any mood killing moments for a long time.

* * *

Awhile later, Jim sat at the kitchen table, a cold soda in hand as he watched Johanna lift bacon from the skillet and lay it on a plate to cool. She was dressed down in a pair of light blue cotton pajama shorts and a thin white t-shirt, her feet bare and her hair loose. He felt a bit rumpled in comparison, wearing the pants and dress shirt he'd had on the night before but he couldn't bring himself to care too much, not when he could sit there and watch her and feel like things were right with the world again.

While the bacon cooled, Johanna popped bread into the toaster and began slicing tomatoes and lettuce. She grabbed the mayonnaise from the fridge and when she had toasted enough bread for both of them, she began constructing their blts . When she finished, she sat a plate down in front of Jim and sat her plate down on the table as well. "Chips?" she asked.

Jim nodded. "Of course."

"What kind?"

"Barbeque."

Johanna moved to the cabinet and got out the bag of chips. She opened them and put the bag in the center of the table for them to share. "Is this a suitable lunch for you?" Johanna inquired as she sat down across from him.

"Yes; it has bacon on it…bacon makes everything acceptable."

She laughed. "I'll remember that."

"You do that," he replied with a wink.

Johanna popped the tab on her soda can as Jim took a bite of his sandwich. "Before you ask, there's plenty left for you to have a second sandwich if you need one," she remarked.

"I'll probably need it; I'm starved."

She smirked at him. "Why do I feel like you're implying that I'm to blame for that?"

He shrugged, smiling as he grabbed some chips for on his plate. "Maybe because you know you used up most of my energy."

"Didn't seem that way to me," she quipped.

"I'm good like that," he teased.

"Isn't it a little early for conceit?" she laughed.

"Never."

It grew quiet between them as they ate; her gaze flicking to the calendar a few times and then back to him for a brief second before looking at her plate again. "Something wrong?" Jim asked.

"No; I was just thinking."

"About what?"

Johanna smiled shyly. "Yesterday was our anniversary."

"Anniversary?" Jim repeated, his brow rising.

She nodded. "Yesterday was May 29th…that's the day we met, remember…I told you the other day."

"Yeah, I remember…but I guess I had other things on my mind at the time, you know?"

"I know," she said softly; her gaze dropping back to her sandwich. "It's nothing really serious, just silliness."

"It's not silly…I guess I'm just always surprised that you remember the date."

Johanna's eyes met his. "How could I forget? It was my first day at work…it was the day I met you…my world changed."

He gave a short quiet laugh. "Am I really worthy of such a distinction? I did assume you were a secretary, after all."

She smiled. "Of course you're worth it; as for mistaking me for a secretary…no harm was done. You said you were sorry…and you were funny and kind. You made that day a little easier and most of them ever since."

"I notice you said 'most'," Jim said lightly, his eyes bright with affection.

"Well given recent circumstances, I couldn't say 'every day'," she replied with a small laugh.

He nodded. "I agree."

"You did change my world though," Johanna remarked. "I was a little intimidated back then…afraid of what was waiting for me in that building; but then there was you and you made me feel welcome and safe."

Jim smiled. "You were trying to be a tough girl back then."

"I am a tough girl," she replied with a sassy smile.

"True," he chuckled quietly. "But back then you were trying a little harder to prove it."

"I know," she replied. "I felt like I had to. It wasn't you that made me feel that way, it was everyone else. You were different; I guess I wanted to impress you… I felt like I just had to know you…it wasn't even a choice, I just _had_ to…it probably sounds crazy but that's how it felt; like you were just supposed to be in my life somehow."

"It's not crazy," he replied as his hand found hers on the table top. "I felt the same way about you…I just needed to know you too. As for being impressed, I don't recall a time when I wasn't; you didn't need to try…you still don't."

Johanna smiled softly, her gaze dropping for a second and then returning to his. "Here we are…three years later."

"Three years," Jim repeated. "Sometimes it doesn't seem that long."

Her eyes gleamed in amusement. "But sometimes it feels like forever?" she asked.

He laughed. "Not in a bad way, sweetheart…just in the way that sometimes it feels like we've always know each other."

She nodded. "I agree."

"I guess we've made some progress in these three years."

"I'd say so."

Jim met her gaze. "It looks like we've come full circle."

"You think so?"

"Yeah, we met on May 29th and three years later on May 29th, we became us."

"We've always been us," she replied lightly as she squeezed his hand.

He grinned. "I'll rephrase; we became an official us."

Johanna laughed. "I like official us…but I think it might've been after midnight."

Jim shook his head. "No; it was a little before midnight when we had our talk…we got it in under the wire."

"Are we sure about that?" she asked.

"Positive; the gala ended at 11; you got home at 11:30…we said the important stuff right before the clock hit midnight."

Johanna smiled, still slightly believing that he might be stretching it a bit but she didn't care; May 29th was their official marker, she'd never say it wasn't. "Then I guess you're right, we came full circle," she murmured.

"It took us awhile," Jim stated quietly; still feeling badly for the discord they'd gone through the last few weeks.

"It's okay…there have been a few rough moments along the way but I wouldn't trade it for anything…especially this last year; it's been so many things, from amazing to frustrating…but it's us and it brought us here."

He nodded, giving her hand a squeeze before he rose from the table. "What are you doing?" Johanna asked.

"If we're going to celebrate our anniversary, we should do it right," he said as he went to the cabinet and took out two champagne glasses.

"I don't have any champagne," she remarked as he sat the glasses on the table.

"We don't need it," he replied as he picked up her soda and poured it into her glass. "I just felt like I should give you a little bit of class for such a special celebration."

"We'll have to call it belated now," she laughed as he poured his soda in a glass as well.

"That's okay; we'll just say we were caught up in the moment and the date slipped our minds."

"Apparently it's always slipped yours," she quipped.

He grinned, gesturing for her to pick up her glass. "Don't you worry, sweetheart; I won't forget again. Here's to three wonderful years…and many more to follow."

Johanna clinked her glass against his and took a sip. "I love you," she told him.

Jim leaned down and caught her lips in a kiss. "I love you too…and next year, we'll celebrate this occasion in the way it deserves to be treated."

"I'll be looking forward to that."

He kissed her once more and then returned to his chair. He picked up his sandwich and took another bite, contemplating something as he did so. "The first time I kissed you was in May."

"I know; I remember…it was after the gala."

"Seems like we do everything after the gala," he said teasingly.

Johanna laughed. "It's enough to make you worry about next year, isn't it?"

"I'm not worried," he chuckled. "So far they've turned out pretty well…but does that mean our first kiss was the 29th?"

"No," Johanna answered. "It was the 25th."

"How do you remember these things? Do you write them down?" Jim asked incredulously.

"No," she giggled. "I just have a habit of remembering the date of important things that happen to me."

He grinned. "So I'm pretty important."

"Apparently so."

"I like that."

"I'm not surprised," she laughed. "And don't worry; I won't quiz you on a list of dates."

"I appreciate that; I just got out of trouble and I'd like to avoid getting into more for awhile."

"I'd like for you to avoid it too," Johanna remarked, a small smile softening the statement.

Jim took her hand once more, his gaze meeting hers. "I am sorry."

"I know; I am too…we have a clean slate though. There wasn't any irreparable harm done. We're in a better place now."

"I'm glad," he murmured.

A teasing smile touched her lips as she held his gaze. "And I'm not even going to say anything about you being slick and doubling up on anniversaries…making sure you have the same date for the important ones."

He laughed. "It was a coincidence, I swear…but also very convenient."

"We'll see how convenient it is next year…when I wait to see if you remember either one."

"I'm going to surprise you and remember both," he stated. "You just wait and see; it's going to be good."

Johanna smiled, her heart feeling light and full of hope. "I'm going to hold you to that."

He gave a nod. "I want you to."

"And if you forget, what do I get to do to you?"

"Whatever you desire," Jim replied with a grin.

"Great," she replied, amusement in her eyes. "Hitting you with a skillet it is."

"That's not exactly what I had in mind," he laughed.

"Well it can't be something you'll enjoy," she remarked.

"Sure it can; I have faith in you; I have no doubt that you can make me suffer and enjoy all at the same time…we can practice after lunch if you want."

"I already showered."

"You can take another one."

"Too many showers in one day can dry out your skin," Johanna stated.

"I'll buy you some lotion," Jim replied. "Besides, we have to properly celebrate our anniversary, don't you think?"

A lazy smile spread across her lips. "Well, I suppose you have a point there."

"I always do," he remarked.

"I guess you better not want a second sandwich…I do have to be at my mother's later."

He nodded. "I'd much rather have another helping of you, sweetheart…although I have missed your cooking…but there will be plenty of meals in the near future."

Her brow rose. "There will be?"

"Yes; now I have a good excuse to show up at dinner time."

She shook her head. "What am I going to do with you?"

"I believe my earlier statement implies; whatever you desire."

"I feel like I might've sold my soul to the devil," she said lightly.

Jim smiled. "Don't worry, you'll enjoy it…come on over to the dark side."

"Can I finish my sandwich first?" she asked.

"Of course; you'll need your strength."

Johanna picked up her champagne glass and took a sip of her soda before raising the glass to him. "Happy belated anniversary, honey."

He picked up his glass as well. "Same to you, sweetheart…next year we'll have champagne."

Next year, she thought to herself as she smiled; next year had such a lovely ring to it…plans for next year meant he planned to stay and the happiness in her heart could barely be contained. It was all brand new right now, but it had so much promise. She didn't have any desire to rush things, but she also felt the wonder of what the next year would bring for them. She wasn't naïve enough to believe that there wouldn't be bumps, but she felt confident for the moment that the good would far out weight the bad.


	4. Chapter 4- Love Is All Around

_A/N: It's been awhile since I've added a scene to this collection (despite having some I need to clean up and post) but hearing the news this evening about Mary Tyler Moore passing away inspired this little piece; as I'm sure you all are aware from Apologize, Reflections and Redemption that Johanna was/is a fan of the show. As for me, being born in the mid 80s meant that I got to grow up on Nick at Nite; I was raised on the classics; I Love Lucy, Laverne and Shirley, Mary Tyler Moore ect; they're like old friends…and thanks to the era of Reflections, I can give them a shout out now and then._

 _P.S. I did check to be sure of the night, Mary Tyler Moore did air on Saturdays in 1976._

Chapter 4- Love Is All Around

Johanna sighed in contentment that Saturday evening as she dumped her freshly made popcorn into a bowl and grabbed the drink she had poured. She had declined going out for a drink with the usual group that evening but had told Jim to go on without her. She'd had a long week and she just wanted to stay home and unwind. He had gone, but he had found his way to her door a short time before and had apparently finished his shower as she could hear his footsteps in the hallway. She made the trek through the living room and sat her bowl of popcorn and her drink on the coffee table and grabbed the remote.

"Turn the game on," Jim told her as he entered the room.

"No way," she replied. "It's time for Mary Tyler Moore."

He scoffed. "You can miss it this time."

Johanna eyed him. "No, I can't."

"Sure you can; it'll repeat in the summer," he said as he tried to grab the remote.

"No!" she exclaimed. "You can miss your game; I'm watching my show."

"Come on, Jo; be fair; let me watch the game. You watched Mary last week when you stayed with me."

"Yes, I know; it's a weekly show…that means it comes on every week unless there's an interruption for some reason. I watched it last week and I'm watching it this week, just like I've been watching it for the past six years."

Jim sighed. "But I was watching the game at the bar."

"Then you should've stayed and finished because I'm not giving up my show," Johanna said firmly as she turned the channel to where it needed to be.

"Shouldn't we compromise?" he asked. "After all, isn't that part of being in a relationship?"

"Yes," she agreed. "But not when it comes to my show."

"I don't think that's very fair."

"Who told you life was fair?"

Jim grimaced. "Don't say that; you sound like my mother."

"Insulting me will definitely not get me to turn the channel."

"Come on, sweetheart; just this once skip Mary and let me watch the game."

"No! If you want to watch the game; go in the bedroom and watch it."

"But that TV is smaller than this one!"

"Then go home and watch it on yours if it's that important."

Jim eyed her. "Why don't you go in the bedroom and watch Mary?"

Johanna shook her head. "Nope."

"Why not?"

"My apartment, my TV, my show, my rules."

"Okay," Jim replied. "Next weekend at my apartment; no Mary Tyler Moore."

"Fine; I'll come home and watch it and then come back to your place when it's over."

He laughed. "You'd really go through all that trouble?"

"Yes."

"I hope Mary appreciates it," he quipped as he put his arm around her. "I guess I'm going to have to buy a TV for the bedroom at my place so you don't have to make a trip home when you stay with me."

"I'm sure Mary does appreciate it and you should buy another TV…just like you're free to use my other TV."

"But then I'd miss you."

Johanna glanced at him. "Then I guess you're watching Mary Tyler Moore."

Jim gave a sigh. "I don't really care for it."

"I pay the bills here, I watch what I want."

He laughed. "I was just letting you know that I don't really care for the show."

"Okay, so now I know…it changes nothing."

He hugged her to him. "You're a little television dictator."

Johanna patted his thigh. "And don't you forget it."

"I'm glad you don't deny it," Jim said as the theme song of the show began to play. "You know, Mary's not the only one who can turn the world on with her smile," he remarked.

"Is that right?"

He nodded. "You can too."

Johanna smiled and cuddled against him. "That's so sweet…and I'm still not turning it."

"Fine," he replied in resignation. "We'll watch it…again."

"I gave you an alternative; you didn't want it so now be quiet so I can hear."

"You're bossy tonight."

"It comes with the territory of being a TV dictator."

Jim nodded. "Seems logical."

Johanna grabbed her popcorn and settled in to watch her show, knowing that her boyfriend wasn't entirely happy with the decision but she figured he'd get over it.

"Why do you like this show?" he asked when a commercial break presented itself.

She glanced at him. "Because I do. Why do you like the shows you watch?"

"Because…I just like them…but they're better than this."

"No, they're not; my show is just as good as yours."

"Then tell me why you like it; what is it about this show that would make you take a cab home just to watch it?"

Johanna held his gaze. "Because…Mary's my friend," she said softly.

He chuckled. "I didn't know you and Mary Tyler Moore were personally acquainted."

She swatted his chest. "Don't be a jackass; I didn't mean it that way. I mean that Mary Richards is my friend."

His brow rose. "You might be spending too much time with your TV."

She glared at him. "I am not and apparently you don't understand."

"Understand what?"

"Why Mary's my friend."

Looking into her eyes, Jim could tell that there was the potential to hurt her feelings if he teased too much about her affection for the show and its lead character. "Then explain it to me."

Johanna swallowed her bite of popcorn she had taken and shifted a bit, trying to think of the best way to explain her affection for shows and their characters. "This show started at the same time I started my second year of college," she began. "I had a little TV in my dorm room…the one that's in my bedroom now; and I was alone with my books that night the show aired. I guess I was feeling a little out of sorts as I settled back into school…and I turned the show on to see what it was about. It was just the thing I needed."

"Why?' he asked with interest.

"Because Mary was me in some ways…she's a little of every woman I know. She's single, she has a career, she's making it on her own. That early on in college life, sometimes I still felt a little lost…like I didn't always fit in…wondering if I was making a mistake, if I could really make it; as you know, the path for a law degree isn't exactly a walk in the park."

"I know," Jim said with a nod. "Go on."

"So that night, I was alone, because Sharon had gone out to some party that I didn't feel like going to and I was tired of studying, so I watched the show…and there was Mary, moving to a new city, determined to make a new start…and she was nice."

"Nice?"

"Yeah; she's nice. It's hard to find a balance when it comes to women characters; most of them are nice of course…but most of them are housewives and mothers too. The women who are on their own are shown as hard at times, bold…and in some cases, they get portrayed as being more manly than womanly; but not Mary. Mary's nice; she has her moments of shyness, her troubles, her fun times. She'd like to find a good man but not having a steady boyfriend or husband at her age doesn't define her…she can make it on her own. I guess back then, and even now, it was nice to see that…because if Mary, who in little ways I can see me in, can make it, I could make it too…and I did."

Jim smiled. "Yeah, you did…but it still doesn't really explain the friend angle."

"I liked the show from day one; it was and is a comfort to me during bad days or long weeks. Sometimes I can't count of Sharon…but I can count on Mary. She's always there for a little while each week; she can make me take my mind off things, make me laugh; make me share her joys and embarrassments and whatever else. Your friends don't have to be just the people you know in reality…the characters of your favorite shows or books can be friends too. I have a lot of 'TV' friends; Mary, Rhoda, Lucy, Ethel, Miss Kitty, Samantha, Laverne and Shirley to name a few. You can't talk to them…but they're always there…and isn't that the best trait of a friend? Being there is what matters most…and when they're there, I'm comforted, I'm happy, my mind is at ease and they give me hope."

"I guess when you put it like that it makes sense…I guess I have a few of these kind of friends too."

Johanna smiled. "We all do…and it's perfectly alright."

"I agree, sweetheart," he said, pressing a kiss to her head. "And I apologize; I didn't realize that Mary meant so much to you."

"It's alright, you know now," she replied. "Mary did come along at the right moment in my life though. With the exception of Miss Kitty; there weren't any other women on TV in main roles that weren't wives and mothers…and that were smart and capable. Miss Kitty has her nice side and her sassy side, she's smart and capable but it's different, Gunsmoke is set in another era and social norms of that time apply there. But Mary is from this day and age…and she's a little of me…and I've always wanted to be a little of her and a little of Miss Kitty, to be completely honest."

Jim gave her a squeeze. "You are…you're nice and you're sassy; you can take care of yourself, you made your way…and you know what else?"

"What?"

He smiled. "You've got spunk."

Johanna laughed. "You don't hate spunk, do you?"

"Not at all; I've heard of people that do but I'm not one of them."

"That's good to know," she said as she wrapped an arm around his midsection so that she could stay cuddled close to his side.

"You can watch Mary at my place next week."

"Oh, how come?"

"Because I'm seeing her in a different light tonight," he remarked. "She's growing on me."

"Why is that?"

"Because you're right; she's a little bit of every woman I know…most of all, the one I love…and any friend of yours is a friend of mine."

Johanna shifted and kissed his lips. "I love you."

"I love you too," he replied. "I'll shut up now so you can enjoy the rest of your visit with your old friend, Mary."

"Thank you," she murmured. "And thank you for not thinking I'm crazy."

"You're far from it," he said quietly. "I like this part of you that feels like you're among friends when you watch your favorite shows…just goes to prove what I always knew."

"What's that?"

"Your capacity for love knows no bounds."

"Well, you know what Mary's theme song says, don't you?"

Jim looked at her. "Yeah; who can turn the world on with her smile…and that's you and Mary."

She laughed. "Besides that; it says love is all around."

He gave a nod. "It's here in this room in abundance."

"Thank God," Johanna murmured as she watched the screen. "The world could use more love and more people like Mary; but at least here at home, we have love…and we have friends like Mary to give us comfort and help us forget the bad things a little."

"I agree wholeheartedly," Jim replied before falling silent to allow her to enjoy her show…and for the first time that he could remember, he was looking forward to watching Mary Tyler Moore with her again the next week.


	5. Chapter 5 - Baby Love

_A/N: _This scene/chapter would fit between chapters 3 and 4 of Reflections and revolves around the birth of Johanna's favorite nephew, her little man, Greg.__

Deleted Scene- Baby Love

Johanna McKenzie ran down the long hallway of the courthouse, the sound of her heels clacking loudly against the floor as people hurried into their assigned rooms or to the elevators. The clock on the wall as she raced by showed that she had exactly two minutes to get to the courtroom assigned to the case she had been working on with Jim for the last two weeks. He would blow a gasket if she was late…and so would their client…and the judge…none of it sounded pleasing; especially when she had been so happy just that morning. She pushed her legs harder, thankful that she ran on the weekends and was therefore able to sprint to her finish line without any trouble. She slid inside the doors of the courtroom just as the bailiff was about to close them and she hurried up the aisle to slide into place beside Jim.

"Where the hell have you been?" Jim hissed as the bailiff called them all to rise.

"I've been at the hospital all night," she murmured, watching as the judge exited his chambers. "My baby came this morning at 5:03."

"Your baby?" he muttered. "I thought it was your brother and sister-in-law's baby."

Johanna rolled her eyes; Jim had been such a bear during this case and it didn't look like he was going to stop being one anytime soon. It was irritating; he usually didn't take his bad moods out on her but he had been the last several days and she had been fighting the urge to smack him and tell him to snap out of it. "I've been waiting on this baby just as long as they have," she remarked quietly as they took their seats.

Jim shook his head but said nothing as their day got under way; women and their silliness over babies. He'd never understand how someone could be so excited about a baby that wasn't even theirs but he could feel the energy of excitement radiating off of Johanna as she sat next to him; an extra sparkle in her green eyes now that she was officially an aunt. He was an uncle to two nephews and a niece…and number four was due in December. He loved the little rugrats but their arrival hadn't been life changing for him. He'd been happy for his brother and sister-in-law of course; he'd been glad that each child was healthy and delivered safely but he hadn't been overly engrossed in their births. Johanna, on the other hand, had been as involved as she could be in her sister-in-law's pregnancy; spending weekends doing baby shopping, helping to pick out furniture and baby clothes; pondering names to offer up for suggestion and in the last two weeks; anxiously awaiting the call that would announce that her sister-in-law had gone into labor. Apparently when the call had come in, she had planted herself in the hospital waiting room to see it through…not caring the slightest about their court date.

He sighed; his gaze darting toward her. Women. He adored her; there was no denying that…but sometimes, like right now, with that gooey besotted with a baby look on her face, he couldn't help but resort back to his inner twelve year old and privately declare "She's such a girl."

* * *

At the end of a long, trying day in the courtroom, which he had noted dimmed some of the glow in Johanna's eyes; Jim turned toward her as they packed up their files. "So, what is it?" he asked.

"What?"

"The baby."

"A boy," she smiled; the sparkle reigniting.

Jim chuckled. "You must've been devastated; you've been going on and on about wanting to buy dresses for the last two weeks."

"I have not gone on and on about dresses," she retorted.

"You have. Your brain has been nothing but babies the last few weeks…and it was very obvious that you were hoping for a girl."

"A girl would've been wonderful too," she remarked; "But I am in no way disappointed to have a boy."

"Especially considering that it isn't yours," he quipped.

"Why do you keep doing that?" Johanna asked.

"Doing what?"

"Making those remarks about it not being mine."

"Because it isn't your baby and yet you've been walking around the last several weeks like you were going to be the one having it."

Johanna frowned. "I didn't know I wasn't allowed to be excited and involved."

"None of my siblings were involved in my sister-in-law's pregnancies and deliveries. When the kids came, my mother notified everyone and we saw them at the first Sunday dinner they showed up to.

"Wow," Johanna said sarcastically. "Your family must be flooded with those intense feelings of love."

He shrugged. "I guess we just keep to our own business."

Johanna glanced down at her files. "I'm sorry that I've clearly been bothering you with my excitement of becoming an aunt. I won't say another word about it to you."

"Now don't go being like that," Jim told her.

Johanna shoved the rest of her stuff into her briefcase. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Where are you going?"

"To go hold my nephew. I only got to see him through the nursery window for a minute this morning."

Jim shook his head. "You can't go running off right now; we have that meeting with Alkire in an hour. He's not sure he's happy with how we're handling certain aspects of this case.

Johanna huffed in annoyance. "Well maybe if he hadn't been a jackass to everyone in the universe; certain parts of his case would be easier to defend."

"Watch your mouth," Jim chastened as he looked over his shoulder. "You know he eavesdrops."

"Then he shouldn't be a jackass and he wouldn't have to worry about people talking about him," she commented.

"That might be true but we still have to go; you'll have to put your baby fever on hold for awhile longer."

"You're really against me being happy about this baby, aren't you?"

"No; not at all," Jim replied. "I just want to make sure you keep your head where it belongs; here in the courtroom with this case; not in a hospital nursery. I'm sure you'll see plenty of him."

That was beside the point, Johanna thought to herself, but she refrained from mentioning it as she fell into step behind him. With any luck at all, the meeting wouldn't take long and she could get back to the hospital in plenty of time.

* * *

Luck was not on her side, Johanna discovered as she faced the stern looking nurse behind the desk in the maternity ward. "Visiting hours are over," the nurse said in a clipped tone as she leveled her steely gaze at Johanna.

Johanna glanced at the clock on the wall. "It's only seven; I thought visiting hours lasted until eight?"

"On other floors visiting hours last until eight. Here in the maternity ward; visiting hours end at seven; mothers and babies need their rest you know."

"I wasn't going to take my sister-in-law out for a run; I just wanted to talk to her for a few minutes."

"Come back tomorrow. Visiting hours begin at nine for family members other than the husband."

"I'm at work at nine."

"Then I suggest you hurry at the end of your work day," the nurse retorted.

"May I see my nephew?" Johanna asked.

"Through the nursery window for a minute," she remarked.

"Can't I hold him somewhere?"

"No, you may not!" the nurse retorted as if she had never heard such a request.

"Okay, I'll look through the window," Johanna said; in no mood to argue with the woman.

"You do that; and don't think you're going to stand there and loiter all night; because you're not."

Johanna rolled her eyes and walked away from the desk and headed for the nursery window. She peered in at the rows of baby beds, searching for the one marked McKenzie, her brow furrowing when she didn't find it. She searched the names twice more, still coming up empty. Her nephew was not there. She turned on her heel and made her way back to the desk, knowing she'd probably be making the nurse's day with her return.

"What now, Miss?" the nurse snapped.

"I don't see my nephew in the nursery."

"Then he is either being bathed or he is in with his mother."

"Can you find out?" she asked. "If he's just being bathed; I'll wait a few minutes."

"No, I will not find out!" the woman, who Johanna had decided looked like a Helga, snapped. "I don't give out information on patients and you will not wait here for a few minutes. What part of visiting hours are over don't you understand? If you wish to see your family; you'll come back at the appropriate hour."

Johanna's eyes narrowed and she bit back a sharp retort. "Alright; I'll be back tomorrow."

"I can hardly wait," Nurse 'Helga' quipped.

"I'm suddenly reminded of why I hate hospitals," Johanna muttered as she turned and walked away, disappointment filling her that she hadn't gotten to visit Valerie and the baby but she figured since she was out, she'd continue on with the rest of her plans and do a little baby shopping; after all, there was no better time to start properly spoiling her nephew than on the day of his birth.

* * *

The following day, Johanna was cursing the case she was working on with Jim as their client, Mr. Alkire, felt that he had a right to eat up all of her and Jim's personal time once the work day was over. She didn't like clients like that who thought that they owned not only your professional time but your private time as well. She didn't like for her work to overtake every moment of her life; she wanted to be off the clock at five the latest. Once in awhile a dinner meeting or an after hours meeting with the entire firm sprung up and that was unavoidable and easy to overlook. She didn't even mind doing some paperwork at home; a lot of times she could concentrate better and get more done in the privacy of her quiet apartment…but she did it when she wanted and at her own discretion after she had had some downtime. Mr. Alkire didn't believe in downtime. He believed that he owned everyone…and she had a feeling that was half the reason they were in court defending him in a quarter of a million dollar law suit.

Mr. Alkire and his demanding demeanor and smartass remarks were grating on her nerves. It also didn't help that Alkire's attitude seemed to be making Jim into an uptight, hard to get along with jackass. She sighed as the hospital elevator rose. She didn't like seeing Jim that way…and it was getting difficult for her to be patient with him instead of coming back at him and letting him have a taste of her attitude. She hoped the case would end soon…for the sake of them all. The elevator dinged as it stopped; the door sliding open. Johanna sighed as she saw that the clock on the wall had just hit seven but she continued on, hoping that maybe a more lenient nurse would be on duty at the desk and allow her a little five minute visit with Valerie and the baby. She just wanted a few minutes; that wasn't too much to ask, was it? She just wanted to be able to hug her sister-in-law and hold the baby; she wouldn't overstay any time given. Surely someone somewhere could let her have a few minutes.

"I guess you didn't listen too well yesterday, did you?" the same stern nurse from the day before asked tartly as Johanna approached the desk.

"I got held up at work," Johanna replied. "Can I please just have five minutes to visit? I swear I won't stay a second longer than that."

"Absolutely not!" Helga declared. "If I allow one person to break the rules, everyone will break the rules."

"I'm not asking you to commit a crime," Johanna said as her foot tapped against the floor. "I was just asking for five minutes to see my family. I want to congratulate my sister-in-law, let her know that I'm happy for her and my brother; that I'm here if they need me. I'd like to ask her about the baby; like if he has a name yet…"

"Send flowers and a card to express your sentiments," the nurse retorted; not the least bit swayed by her plea. "As for your questions regarding the child; call or visit during visiting hours or find out what you want to know from the people who come at the appropriate time."

"So I can't call after seven either?"

"No, you may not."

Johanna smiled at her. "Has anyone ever told you that you're a ray of sunshine?"

The nurse's expression remained sour. "Rules are not broken on my watch."

"Yes; I can see that. May I look in at my nephew? Is he in the nursery tonight?"

Helga the Hun, as Johanna privately called her, eyed her with a look of irritation. "Do I look like I keep track of where that child is every second of the day? I have a ward to run, a staff to manage and nuisances who arrive past visiting hours to get rid of. I don't have time to monitor every move the McKenzie child makes just because you and your family are under the impression that he's privileged."

Fire flashed in Johanna's eyes. "Well, that certainly sounds like you've already pissed off some other member of my family but I'm not concerned about that at the moment. First of all, as a lawyer, I'll say this; you better hope to God that someone on this floor is keeping track of where those babies are and what's being done to them. Second, as the aunt of the 'McKenzie Child' as you call him, you better pray he's always where he's supposed to be and treated appropriately while he's in this hospital's care or a special brand of hell will rain down upon you; and I assure you, you won't come out unscathed."

The nurse pursed her lips and picked up the receiver of the phone; her finger stabbing a button. "Is the McKenzie child in the nursery?" she asked tartly; Johanna's gaze pinned upon her.

After receiving a response, she spoke once more. "Please make sure he is visible from the window so his attorney may see him."

Johanna smirked at her; silently counting to ten to keep from reaching across the desk.

"Oh yes, Mr. McKenzie has an attorney aunt who thinks she's all that. I believe we met her father earlier; the one who claimed if his grandson wasn't fed in a timely manner that he'd own the hospital. It must be one of those unfortunate traits that run in the family. Young Mr. McKenzie is to be treated with the utmost importance during his stay with us…he's privileged you know."

Johanna's blood was boiling as Helga hung up the phone. "You may go to the window and see your little prince now, Miss Attorney Aunt."

"Lady; and I use that term loosely; your attitude is uncalled for and very unprofessional…and if you've pissed off my father to the point that he's threatening to own you; then something was going on that shouldn't have been…like someone being lazy and not fetching a bottle when they should have. May God have mercy on you if you he inflicts his rage upon you…it'll make your time with me look like a Sunday picnic."

"Go look at your nephew and then get out," the nurse declared. "He's in the second row of beds, near the right side of the window."

Johanna smiled. "Thank you; have a nice evening."

The nurse muttered something under her breath that Johanna couldn't discern but she brushed it off and headed for the nursery window. Her gaze quickly found Baby McKenzie where she had been told he'd be and a small smile crossed her lips. He was tightly swaddled in the standard stripped hospital receiving blanket and a blue knit cap on his small head. She wished she could see him better…wished she could satisfy the yearning to hold him; breathe in that soft baby scent and study his tiny features. She sighed; with the way the last few weeks had been going, cuddling a baby would be just the thing to raise her spirits…but it wasn't meant to be so far. "Maybe tomorrow, little man," she whispered. "I'm going to do everything I can to get here in time tomorrow."

* * *

At the end of court the next day, Johanna felt confident that today would be the day she'd make it to the hospital in time for visiting hours, just as she had promised the baby as she looked in on him the night before…and she couldn't wait to see the look on Helga's face when she couldn't deny her entry. She hurried to pack her briefcase; pondering for a moment if she could persuade Jim into giving her a ride to the hospital which would save her some time. His mood seemed to be slightly better that day…he had bought her lunch; maybe he was feeling more like himself.

"Jim," she started to say but was interrupted by a voice behind them.

"I want both of you in my office before the half hour is out," Alkire declared just as Jim's gaze met his. "We have much to discuss about how I want this case handled tomorrow."

"We just had a meeting about how to handle this case," Jim declared. "We know how to handle it."

Alkire scoffed. "I'm not too sure about that…I don't like some of the things that have been allowed to be brought up."

"You don't get to pick and choose what gets brought up," Johanna told him. "If it's relevant to the charges made against you then it's allowed to be heard; there's nothing we can do about that except redirect it and defend it if possible."

Alkire glared at her. "I don't like your attitude."

Johanna was about to tell him what she thought of his attitude but Jim spoke and she had to bite back her words.

"She's right," Jim stated; "We don't get to control what gets brought up if it's relevant to the case. I really don't think another meeting is necessary."

"Well I do," Alkire snapped. "I'm the one paying the bills and if I say we're having a meeting, then we're having a meeting."

Johanna's patience snapped. "My work day ends at five," she stated; "My private life resumes at that time and I have plans this evening. I'm tired of rearranging my life to sit in your office and listen to you tell me how to do my job when you don't have the faintest idea of how to do it."

Jim poked her sharply in the back but she ignored it as their client eyed her. "Well, Miss McKenzie; I'll be sure to inform Mr. Roche of your attitude toward your work. Perhaps your better suited for the secretarial pool where your hours can be more to your liking; but for now; you work for me and will do what I say. I don't care if you want to run off and bat your eyes for some date; it will wait."

"I don't have a date," she retorted.

He snorted. "I can't say that I'm surprised; I can't imagine any man wanting to put up with the likes of you; but since a man isn't the culprit; just what is it that you think is so much more important than me and my case and my money that's paying your bill?"

"Just be quiet, Johanna," Jim muttered.

"No, I won't be quiet," she retorted. "Our 'boss' asked me a question. What's important to me tonight is my family," she stated. "My brother and his wife just had a baby and I'd like to meet my nephew sometime before he starts kindergarten."

Alkire scoffed. "So let me get this straight; you'd rather have my case circling the drain so you can go hold some baby that isn't going to do anything but lay like a lump in its cradle," he laughed as he looked to Jim. "You see, this is exactly why women shouldn't be allowed in the workforce. Their brains just aren't wired for it; a baby comes along and they want to drop what they're doing and go play house. Well I hate to pop your bubble Miss McKenzie, but you're not playing house on my dime. If you want to sit around and hold babies all day then I suggest you go do what respectable women do; find a man, get married and stay home and have your own babies. God knows the legal profession would be better off. Now be in my office within the next thirty minutes or I'll make sure you have plenty of time to spend with your family's new addition…because I'll have your job before the hour is out. Do I make myself clear?"

"Crystal clear," she replied; anger and humiliation washing over her.

"Good," he said before he stalked away.

"Johanna," Jim muttered.

"What?"

"Some things you bring on yourself," he remarked. "You should've known better…and you know he's going to call Roche and you're going to be in for it come tomorrow morning."

"Well this is ridiculous!" she exclaimed as he grabbed her elbow and propelled her up the aisle with him. "How many times do we have to have this same meeting? If he thinks he knows how to be a lawyer; why doesn't he just defend himself and be done with it?"

"I agree that its ridiculous, but you don't get to run your mouth like that; at least not on my cases. What you do with your clients is your business but this case has my name on it too, Johanna. I think he's just as much an idiot as you do but we have to deal with it. As for you; you need to get that baby off your mind. Your obsessive need to get your hands on that kid is also ridiculous. You'll have plenty of chances to hold him once he's home from the hospital; let it go."

"Just because you aren't interested in your brother's kids doesn't mean I'm not allowed to be interested in mine," she said as they waited for the elevator.

"I have plenty of interest in them; but if I have to go a week or two without seeing them it doesn't make me lose any sleep. It's a baby, Johanna; if you've seen one you've seen them all. Being an aunt is not that big of deal; trust me, I'm an uncle; I know. All it means is that you're obligated to buy Christmas and Birthday gifts and pay attention to it when it's at your mother's or if you visit their house. You're the aunt, not the mother."

"I'm aware of that," she snapped. "I'm sorry that I'm not as blasé about my nephew as you are about yours."

"Maybe if you were more blasé about yours, you wouldn't find it so hard to get what you want. I've never seen a sister so involved…especially when she claims that her brother doesn't even like her."

"I said that he hated me when we were kids; we get along better now that we're grown. I don't understand why you think I'm so overly involved."

"Because for the last two or three months you've been doing baby everything with your sister-in-law; helping her pick out furniture; helping her pick out baby paraphernalia. Shouldn't that have been your brother's job…or her mother's job?"

Johanna cut him a sharp look as they boarded the elevator. "I didn't realize that my weekend activities were of such great concern to you; but for your information; I've been going all those places with Valerie because, one; I enjoy spending time with my sister-in-law; I count her as one of my best friends; and two; my brother asked me to himself because once Valerie hit her sixth month, he didn't want her driving herself anymore. Frankie doesn't like shopping for furniture and clothes; the one time he went with her they got into a huge fight and she spent a night at my apartment because she was so angry with him. That's when Frankie asked me to start going; I'd take a cab over and I'd drive their car and take Valerie where she wanted to go. Yes, I was there when she picked everything out; but Frankie is the one who had to paint the nursery, put the furniture together and put it where Valerie wanted it so don't you act like I overstepped my bounds and took something from someone when I didn't. My brother was grateful that I wanted to go on those shopping trips with Valerie…because her own sister said no; and they know better than to ask Colleen because she doesn't even like kids. Frankie and I have never gotten along as well as we have these last few months…his not minding having me around, doing things with Valerie makes me feel like he wants me to a part of this new family he's creating and that means something to me. You don't know anything about it so keep your opinions to yourself," she said hotly, a sheen of tears lying in her eyes.

He was already aggravated and the sight of her tears only irritated him more. "Don't start crying and give Alkire more ammunition against you, Johanna. You're right; it's none of my business what you do with your family…but keep it out of the courtroom for both of our sakes."

"Oh my God," she said as they stepped off the elevator. "I made my comment after working hours; and it's the truth, I did have plans and I am sick of having to bow to every whim of that idiot and I'm getting sick of you behaving like you're just as much a jackass as he is."

"I'll make you a deal," Jim said as he took her elbow and steered her to the door. "I'll try to cut back on being a jackass and you save your baby fever for after work."

Johanna glanced at him as she pulled her elbow from his grip. "Jim, I won't mention my family to you again; okay? We'll just go back to how we were when we first met; shop talk and conversations about office gossip and the weather. I won't tell you anything personal and you don't tell me anything personal; okay?"

He sighed. "No; we don't need to go that far. Just control yourself."

"I haven't done anything!" she yelled as she turned to face him. "He asked me my plans, I told him. I have a right to have a private life outside of my job and he shouldn't get to rule it. You might like working 24/7 but I don't. Now I'm done with this conversation."

"Where are you going?" he asked as she started walking away.

"I've got a meeting to get to if I don't want to lose my job," she stated. "I'll see you there."

"I was going to drive you."

"Don't bother; I wouldn't want to breathe the wrong way and have you think that my feeble female brain might be thinking about babies or pantyhose and lipstick instead of thinking strictly of my job and only my job."

"Jo," he said as he followed her. "Come on; just ride along with me. I'll leave you be. I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings."

She shook her head. "No; not at all; after all, we women have to be kept in line and told to mind our manners."

Jim managed to catch up with her and caught her elbow once more. "Stop," he said calmly. "Don't put me in a class with him; I've never said you didn't belong in this line of work and I'd never say that. Do I think it's easy for you to get distracted by outside things sometimes; yes, I do; but as long as you keep it under control, it's not a problem. So far the only problem is you running your mouth in there and telling him that you have something more important to do. Believe me; there are plenty of things I'd rather be doing right now too but we're just going to have to deal with it. You would've never said something like that if you didn't have that baby on your mind."

Johanna scoffed. "That's what you think."

Jim nudged her along to where his car was parked. "Just settle down and maybe we'll get through this quickly and you can go do what you want."

"You forgot to say, be a good girl and behave yourself and you'll get a cookie when we're finished," she remarked as he opened the door for her. "That's what my mother always told me."

Jim smirked at her. "I'll be sure to get a pack of cookies to leave in my car for you."

"I wish you would…I'm starved since we had to skip lunch to listen to his majesty's theories and suggestions."

"It shouldn't be much longer, Jo. We should have this wrapped up sometime next week."

"God I hope so," she muttered. "I hate that son of a bitch."

"That's okay; he doesn't seem to be too crazy about you either."

"Yeah; most people aren't," she replied as he closed the door; and she couldn't help but think that the same sentiment went for Jim too lately.

* * *

Johanna was silent as she and Jim rode the elevator down to the garage after meeting with Alkire in his office on the 25th floor of his high rise building that housed his company. Jim couldn't help but feel badly for her; Alkire had behaved like a total ass toward her the entire time; making not only smartass remarks but sexist ones as well until he'd had enough and told him about it since Johanna had sat there quietly and took every word of it. He knew he had told her to keep her mouth shut…but he knew that in reality she had done so because she was slightly fearful of the trouble Alkire could make for her with Roche. He didn't like to see her like that…didn't like to see her biting back a defense of herself…didn't like the look in her eyes that she tried to mask that told of how much some of those remarks were cutting her.

It had been painful for him to watch, he could just imagine how she felt inside. "Are you okay?" he asked quietly.

"Yeah; I'm fine," Johanna answered; wishing she was at her desk so she could put her head down and contemplate why she had ever thought it was a good idea to be a lawyer.

"I'm sorry," he murmured.

"For what?"

"For what you just had to go through."

"It's my fault," she replied softly. "You're right; I bring everything on myself. It's fine…I'm sure he'll report me to Roche so I'll just go on in in the morning and tell him that I'm sorry and that it won't ever happen again…which is probably a lie but will at least save my job for this week."

"That's not a pleasant thought for the morning," he told her.

"Yeah; well being unemployed, black balled in the legal field and having to move back in with my parents isn't a pleasant thought either so I do what I have to do."

"I'm still sorry you had to put up with all those things he was saying though."

Johanna shrugged. "It's nothing I haven't heard before."

"Just ignore it and put Alkire from your mind for the rest of the night. I'll give you a ride."

"I appreciate it," Johanna murmured. "I'm ready to go home."

"I'll take you to see your baby first," he replied; figuring it was the least he could do for her.

She glanced at her watch and shook her head. "Its already 6:30; with traffic I wouldn't make it in time. Just take me home."

"Let's try," he told her; hoping it would lift her spirits and maybe that she'd get to hold the baby and get it out of her system. "I might surprise you and get you there in time."

"Not with the way my week is going."

"Well let's try anyway," he said as they got off the elevator. "I'll even wait for you in the lobby so I can drive you home when you're finished."

"You don't have to do that."

"I don't mind," he told her. "I figure I owe you one for being less than my best this week."

"It's alright…I'm sorry for being a typical woman."

Jim gave her a small smile. "I wouldn't want you any other way."

"That's probably what you tell all the girls," she tried to jest, but it sounded flat even to her own ears.

"But I only mean it when I say it to you," he replied as he wrapped an arm around her. "Now; are you willing to try and make it in time to see the baby?"

Johanna nodded. "Yeah; if you're willing to make the drive."

"I'm willing," he assured; hoping it would smooth things over between them.

* * *

"I'd like to see my sister-in-law," Johanna told the nurse at the desk once she had reached the maternity floor.

The same dour nurse she had been dealing with since the baby's birth smirked at her. "And I told you that if you want to see Mrs. McKenzie; you must arrive during visiting hours which in this ward are from 9am to 7pm."

"It's 6:55," Johanna said with a quick glance at her watch.

"We don't admit visitors to patient rooms after 6:45."

Her eyes narrowed at the woman. "I don't see what the big deal is. She's my family; I want to see her, even if it's just for a minute."

The nurse looked down her nose at her. "Then you should arrive on time, Miss. Come during the daytime."

"I work in the daytime I told you," Johanna huffed with annoyance. "I have to be in my office by eight and I've had to work late every day this week. My nephew is two days old and I still haven't gotten to hold him."

"That, Miss; sounds like a personal problem," the nurse retorted. "Arrive on time and you will be allowed to see Mrs. McKenzie."

She sighed. "When is she being released?"

"I can't share patient information with you," Helga snapped.

"I'm not asking for her medical records," Johanna said tartly. "I'm asking when she's getting out of here."

"I can't tell you that."

Johanna smirked at her. "Of course not."

"I'll thank you to mind your manners, Miss. I am the head nurse here."

"Ooh, I'm all a tremble," Johanna retorted. "I'm an attorney, as you know, at Stanford, Myers and Roche. Now that we've compared careers what's next? Shoe size? I wear a seven."

The nurse glared at her as a ding sounded from overhead. "Hear that," the nurse said; "That's the warning sound of visiting hours ending. You lose."

Johanna gave a slight shake of her head. "Can I leave a note for my sister-in-law?"

"Do I look like a secretary?" the nurse asked.

"No; all the secretaries I know wouldn't be caught dead in those shoes I see you clomping around in. Can I leave a note or not?"

"Jenny," the nurse snapped to a younger nurse. "She'd like to leave a note for Mrs. McKenzie; please give her a piece of paper and a pen and then deliver her message so that she may leave."

Jenny gave a nod and hurried to find a piece of paper for Johanna to write on. Johanna couldn't help but notice that the girl looked scared to death of the older woman; she looked like she had probably just finished nursing school that semester and her reward had been getting stuck with Helga the Attila the Hun of the head nurses. She offered her a smile and said "thank you" as the girl handed her a piece of paper and the pen.

 _Val,_

 _This bitch at the desk refuses to let me in every time I get here…if you don't get out of here soon, I can't be held accountable for my actions. Kiss the baby for me; I can't get anywhere near him with Helga the Hun and her rules out here. Call me this evening if you can; or tell Frankie to leave me a message at work letting me know when you're going home._

 _Love, Johanna_

When she finished she folded the sheet of paper and handed it to the young nurse to deliver. "Satisfied now?" the nurse asked.

"No; I'd still like to talk to her in person."

"Patients need their rest!" she snapped.

"Relax, Helga," Johanna retorted; "I didn't ask to take her on a shopping spree. I wanted to sit in the chair by her bed and talk about the baby."

"Tough; and my name isn't Helga."

"Are you sure? You look like a Helga to me."

"Positive!"

Johanna shrugged just as laughter sounded from across the hallway. "That's my sister-in-law," she said with a smile. "She got my message."

"Good; now you may leave."

"May I at least see my nephew?"

"I just told you that visiting hours are over!" the nurse exclaimed. "He is a patient as much as his mother is; when will you comprehend these things?"

Johanna sighed; her tone softening. "Please? Please just let me see the baby. I just want to hold him."

"Absolutely not," the nurse declared. "You may look at him through the nursery window for one minute like you've done the last few days and then you leave. If you're not gone when your minute is up, I will have you escorted from this floor."

Johanna gave a soft shake of her head; her own family and she couldn't get anywhere near them. "No need for that; I'm leaving," she said quietly; defeat settling into her soul. It had been a long day; work had given her a headache, Alkire had gone out of his way to treat her like trash at his stupid meeting, she couldn't talk to Valerie, she couldn't hold the baby…and she desperately wanted to hold that little boy. She sighed as she pushed away from the desk and headed in the direction of the elevator.

"The nursery window is in the other direction," The nurse called after her.

"That's alright," Johanna replied. "I wouldn't want to accidentally touch the glass; it's probably against the rules."

"If you want to see him; it's the only was you're going to do it here," the nurse continued to call after her. "Even if you come during visiting hours, he won't be brought in while you're in the room. That's only done for the parents and grandparents. Aunts don't have special privileges."

"Of course we don't," she remarked as she pushed the button for the elevator.

"I could hold him up at the window," the nurse named Jenny offered. "That way she could see him better than when he's lying in his bed."

The older nurse gave Jenny a sharp look. "There's no call for that!"

"It would only be for a minute and it's not going to disturb the baby any," the young woman stated, her hands trembling slightly as she stood her ground. "I think the least we can do is let her have a good look at her nephew since she hasn't been allowed to visit."

"Fine," the nurse said tartly; "You may hold the baby up at the window so that prissy lawyer may get a look at her nephew and be content. Perhaps it'll make her stay away tomorrow."

Johanna turned on her heel. "I'll come here every day while they're here and I don't care if you like it or not," she said tartly. "That's my family; not yours."

"Move to the window, Miss," the nurse snapped. "Jenny will hold your nephew up for you to see."

She gave a nod and stalked down the hallway as Jenny disappeared through a door that would lead her into the nursery. Johanna took the same position in front of the window that she had taken on the morning that the baby had been born and the days following. She watched as Jenny moved among the bassinets of babies and located the one labeled McKenzie. She lifted the tiny boy out of his bed and carefully carried him close to the window.

Johanna gave a small smile as she looked in at her nephew; he was so small; his eyes closed in slumber, a tiny fist resting against his cheek. Every time she saw him he had on that blue knit cap that newborn babies were bestowed with, leading her to wonder if he had hair or not; what color it would be…the color of his eyes as he was always sleeping when she was there. He stretched a bit in the nurse's arms, his unfocused eyes flicking open for a moment and looking in her direction. She smiled; they were blue; and they stayed upon her, or at least she felt like he could see her as her fingertips fell against the glass, love washing over her. "Hi, my sweet boy," she murmured as her eyes stayed locked upon him; tears welling in them as she ached to hold him. She was missing out on everything because of this case and it was starting to get to her. "I don't even know if you have a name yet," she whispered. "But I love you; I've loved you for seven months now; ever since your mommy told us you were coming."

The baby's eyes closed, his thumb finding its way into his mouth. "Soon, little man," she murmured. "Soon, I'll get to hold you…at least I hope so."

"Your minute is up," a voice snapped from behind her.

"Do you take special joy in ruining moments?" Johanna asked, her eyes not leaving the baby.

"Rules are rules; I gave you one minute and the minute is over. Now please leave," the nurse stated.

"I'm going," she retorted; taking one last look at the baby, giving him and the nurse holding him a small smile and wave goodbye. She turned then and moved back up the hall. "Goodnight, Helga," she stated as she passed the nurse.

"That's not my name!"

"Probably should be," Johanna commented as she made her way back to the elevator.

* * *

Jim was still waiting for her in the lobby when Johanna stepped off the elevator. He gave her a smile; figuring she'd had better luck this time. "Did you get to see her and baby?"

"No," she answered with a shake of her head. "They wouldn't let me see Valerie; no guests admitted after 6:45."

"You were up there for a little while; I thought maybe you made it past the guard."

"All I got was to be able to write her a note. I only got to see the baby through the nursery window again."

"I'm sorry," Jim murmured as he dropped an arm around her shoulders. "I know you're looking forward to holding him."

"I feel like I'm never going to get to," she said softly; melding into his side a little.

"You will, sweetheart," he promised as he gave her shoulder a squeeze. "I'm sorry we got held up today and that you missed visiting hours again."

"It's alright; the way Helga the Hun talks, I wouldn't be allowed to hold the baby anyway. He's only brought in for his parents and grandparents. Aunts don't have rights."

He paused outside the doors and pulled her into a hug, feeling guilty about how he had acted earlier and sorry that she had been denied her request once again. "I'm sorry."

"It's alright," she murmured tearfully. "I'll just have to wait."

"I could go up there and create a distraction and you could slip into the nursery," he suggested.

Johanna gave a soft laugh against his shoulder. "If we got caught; we'd go to jail and I'd have to wait even longer."

"True," he replied; "But tomorrow I promise I'll get you here in plenty of time."

She had a feeling it wouldn't matter; Nurse Helga was out to get her; she'd find some reason to keep her out.

* * *

"You're hogging the baby," Johanna declared as she eyed her mother the next evening.

Naomi held her stare. "I told you that you'll get your turn when I'm done."

"You've had him for a half hour…everyone in this room has had him but me," she complained.

"You'll get him when I'm done," her mother exclaimed, cuddling the baby closer to her chest. "I'm the grandmother; I outrank you."

Johanna rolled her eyes. "Come on, Mom; you got to hold him every day at the hospital; I only got to look at him through the nursery window. You've had plenty of turns."

"And I'm having one right now," Naomi replied before sweeping back across the room to be in the thick of relatives that had filled in to see the newest addition to the family.

Johanna blew out a breath of annoyance as she watched her mother go; she was never going to get to hold that baby. She'd already seen baby Gregory passed around like a football; even Colleen had gotten a turn already and she was still waiting at the edges for someone to pass him off to her. It seemed like half the people they were related to must be crowded into her mother's living room for the small party her mother had thrown together to celebrate the baby's arrival and release from the hospital that afternoon.

"What's your problem?" Frank asked from the chair he was occupying at the table. "You act like you've never held a baby before."

"Well I haven't held this one before," she retorted.

Her father shrugged. "I held him; it's like holding any other baby."

"Wow, Dad; you overwhelm the room with love. How can it not be different? He's your grandson. He's my nephew; of course it's different than any other baby."

"Only in an overly dramatic mind," he remarked. "You'll get your turn."

"I think I should've had a turn before Aunt Rita or Aunt Margaret."

"They're his great aunts."

"So what! I'm his aunt too!"

"I think everyone is aware of that," Frank responded. "Maybe if you would've gotten here on time you could've gotten a turn sooner."

"I didn't get here until late because there was a problem in court that was beyond my control. I didn't get Mom's message until I went back to my office to get what I needed to go home."

"That's your problem," Frank replied. "Now you'll have to wait until everyone else is done. That's what happens when you're the last to arrive."

"I've been waiting for an hour and a half."

"And you'll wait another hour if you have to," he retorted. "Stop acting like a petulant child."

She rolled her eyes. "Don't you ever get tired of that line, Dad?"

"Yes," Frank snapped. "Quit giving me reason to use it. This is a family gathering, act happy for God's sake. You always have to walk around looking like a sour ball when you don't get any attention. You're so damn needy. The family is changing, Johanna; you're going to keep getting pushed out unless you keep up."

"Meaning what?" Johanna asked sharply.

"Meaning that your brother has a wife and a baby now. Your sister is engaged to be married. Frankie's three years older than you and has a family. Colleen is two years younger than you and she's already caught a man to marry. What do you have? Nothing," Frank stated. "You have nothing. You haven't even brought anyone around here in a long time; just that no good son of a bitch you dated in college…and I told you from the first time I saw him that you'd regret hooking up with that little bastard; and sure enough, I was right. The other one, what was his name, Max, was it? I don't even think he liked girls."

"Oh my God!" Johanna exclaimed. "Max wasn't gay! Why do you think that?"

"He didn't look at you the way a man should."

"I didn't know you were an expert on the topic of how a man should look at a woman."

"Something wasn't right with him; he didn't even look at your sister like a man should."

"I should hope not considering that he was my boyfriend and it would be pretty damn rude to be checking out my younger sister while I'm sitting next to him. Why should he have wanted to look at Colleen?"

Her father shrugged. "Well you're different ends of the spectrum in some ways; she's a bit taller, a little more filled out, her hair is lighter, her eyes blue and she's not overly serious. Men like that."

"Gee thanks, Dad; I had no idea how unattractive I was compared to my sister. Thank you for enlightening me. Allow me to correct one thing though; Colleen's hips might be more filled out than mine but her bra isn't; not naturally anyway; she's been stuffing since she was thirteen."

Frank cringed. "I don't want to hear that!"

"You brought it up," she replied. "And I guess Frankie missed the memo about what men like; Valerie's the same height as me, her hair is a shade lighter, and until she got pregnant, we were sharing clothes."

"I didn't say there weren't exceptions," he retorted. "I didn't say you weren't pretty enough to attract attention; you are…it's your personality that's probably a turn off to most prospects. That mouth of yours;…men don't want to put up with that."

"You wouldn't think women would want to put up with a smart mouth either," she stated; "But over there is Mom…chained to you for life."

Frank glared at her. "I was a nicer person before I had children."

"Sure you were," she scoffed.

"Look, Johanna; all I'm telling you is that your siblings are moving on to the next stage in life and things are different now. You're getting behind. Your brother has a new son; Colleen's got a fiancé…"

"I'm aware of that!" she snapped.

"Well then you've got to expect that you're going to be pushed into the background sometimes. Your mother is going to be all about her grandson for a good while and all about Colleen's wedding plans. You're not going to get the attention you like."

She didn't care so much about the attention, Johanna thought to herself. She knew things were constantly changing…she just hadn't realized that she was getting left behind until her father told her so bluntly. When Valerie had announced her pregnancy, the only thoughts that had been in her mind was how wonderful it would be to be an aunt; to have a little baby around to hold and fuss over. She had happily gone on shopping trips with Valerie as she had picked out nursery items and gender neutral clothing. She been glad all those times that her sister-in-law had grabbed her hand and laid it against her stomach to feel the baby kick. When baby Greg had been born a few days before; she couldn't wait to get out of work so that she could run out to the stores and buy cute little blue sleepers and soft little hats and a little teddy bear that came with a soft blue receiving blanket. The gifts were setting off to the side of the room with the other mound of baby gifts that had arrived and she wished she had left them home to be given at a later date when perhaps she'd have more of Valerie and Frankie's time. She suppressed a sigh; suddenly feeling a little alone as it sunk in that she was indeed falling to last place among her siblings. Frankie had a wife and a baby son. Colleen had a fiancé that would be her husband by this same time the following year…and then her children would start coming too.

The thought was suddenly depressing and as Colleen walked by on her way to the kitchen, she reached out and snagged her wrist. "I'm ready to meet that guy you told me about," she said quietly.

Colleen's eyes lit up. "Paul's friend Brad?"

"Yeah…if you think he might still be interested."

"Of course he is! I'll set something up for this weekend."

Her stomach dipped. "I hate blind dates…can you set up something stress free?"

Her sister nodded enthusiastically. "I've got the perfect idea; we'll all go to dinner together; that way it won't be so awkward…it'll be more of a group outing. How does that sound?"

Johanna nodded. "Sounds good…call me and let me know the arrangements."

"I will," she promised before hurrying to the kitchen.

Frank scoffed from his seat, having overheard their conversation. "I suppose now you're just going to grab the first sucker your sister can dig up for you."

"Why not?" Johanna asked. "That's probably how Mom really found you…the applying for a job story is probably just a cover to make it sound better."

"It is not!" he thundered.

"Mhmm."

"What are you two over here snipping about?" Naomi asked as she came towards them.

"Nothing more than usual," Johanna answered; noting that her mother's arms were now empty. "Where's the baby?"

"Your grandmother wanted him again," Naomi answered.

"Damn it, Mom!" she exclaimed; "You know I've been waiting for you to get done."

"Well I can't help it; she didn't give me much choice; she just took him off me. You can have him when she's done."

Johanna glanced at her watch and shook her head. "No, I can't; I have to leave."

"Why?" her mother asked.

"Because she's not getting her way," Frank goaded. "That's how she is."

"No; I have to go because I'm having dinner with a colleague about a case I'm working on that we're having trouble with."

"Can't you cancel it?" Naomi asked.

"No; Mom; I can't," she exclaimed. "That's why I've been bugging you to give me the baby."

"Well then you should've opened your mouth and said so!" her mother told her sternly. "I'm not a mind reader."

"I'm not buying she has a meeting," Frank stated.

"I do have a meeting," she retorted; "And since you've enlightened me to the state of my life; if dinner goes well, I'll take him home with me and see if I can manage to get married and pregnant all in the same week so I can keep up like you said."

Frank stabbed a finger in her direction. "Don't you talk like that!"

"I'll say what I want; you always do. Now I have to go."

"Don't go just yet," Naomi declared. "You haven't spent any time with the baby!"

"Whose fault is that, you've been hogging him all night," Johanna replied.

Frank slapped her arm. "Don't you take that tone with your mother."

Johanna sighed. "I have to go, Mom. I should've left ten minutes ago; I'm going to be late."

"If you were ever on time, we'd all faint," Frank remarked. "You were even born late."

"I did that on purpose, Dad. I wasn't in a hurry to meet you."

"Johanna Elizabeth," her mother said; her eyes narrowing slightly.

"Spare me the lecture, Mom," she said as she pushed away from the wall by the table. "I'll see you Sunday."

"But you haven't gotten to hold the baby yet," Naomi called after her.

"I'm aware of that," Johanna called back; voices pausing in conversation to see what the commotion was about. "Call me when he graduates high school; maybe by then everyone will have had all their turns and I can see the kid for a minute."

"Don't go, Johanna," Valerie said. "I'm so sorry that you haven't gotten your chance to hold him yet."

"I have to go, Val; I have a dinner meeting. I'll see him some other time."

"At least let Frankie drive you to where you need to go," her sister-in-law offered.

"Forget it," Frankie declared. "I'm not leaving; this party is for us. I'm not being her chauffer."

Valerie shot her husband a glare. "You go drive your sister."

"It's fine," Johanna said as she grabbed her jacket, purse and briefcase. "I'll catch a cab at the diner. See you all later."

Voices were still calling out to her as she opened the front door and stepped out on the porch; the crisp air of September smacking her in the face. She hoped catching a cab wouldn't be an all night chore; she was sure Jim would be fuming by the time she got to the restaurant near the office if she didn't find a ride quickly.

* * *

"Where the hell have you been?" Jim asked when Johanna finally slid into the booth across from him. "You're forty-five minutes late!"

"I'm sorry," Johanna replied. I left my parents I little later than I meant to…"

"Look, Jo," he interrupted; his mood still sour from a long difficult day in court coupled with how the last few weeks had gone. "I know you're excited about being an aunt but you need to let it go a little and get your head back in the game. I've got two nephews, a niece and another one on the way; it's not that big of a deal; babies are born all the time."

Johanna glared at him. "Maybe it isn't a big deal to you but it is to me; I…"

"I hope you got to hold him so it's out of your system now."

"No, I didn't get to hold him," she snapped. "The house is full of relatives and I don't stand a chance with my mother in the room. I got to brush my finger against his hand for a second and that was about it. As I was saying; I left a little later than I meant to; I had a hard time catching a cab and when I finally got one, it got stuck in traffic."

"Maybe that wouldn't have happened if you had been on time instead of being stuck in baby land. It's not like it's your baby," he replied.

"Shut up, Jim," she said tartly. "I'm in no mood for your smart ass remarks. I just got plenty of them from my father."

"Well did you ever think that maybe I have something else to do tonight than sit here and wait on you to show up?"

"What?" she asked. "Another hot date with an assistant? Haven't you checked off all the new ones yet?"

"Don't even act like that," he retorted.

"Well; you have been going out with them."

"So what?"

She shrugged. "I was just asking."

"Why? What's it to you?"

"Nothing," she said sharply although her heart stung. Truth be told she was a little wounded that he had kissed her in May and then in July and had then taken up his little string of flings with assistants in the office. He hadn't had a problem kissing her so why didn't he ask her out on a non work related date? Was she not good enough…was she always going to be good enough to be a friend but not to date?

Those were thoughts that she could usually shrug off but tonight with her father's words in her mind, she couldn't help but feel everything full force.

"Are you ready to work?" he asked as he signaled a waitress. "We could've already been done…I'm almost finished my dinner and you haven't even ordered anything."

"I'm not hungry," she replied; waving off the menu the waitress was getting ready to hand her. "I'll just take a Coke, please."

"Don't be like that, Johanna; get something to eat," he told her as he forced himself to soften his tone. "It's my treat."

"I ate at my mother's," she lied. "I'll just have the soda and I'll pay for it myself."

"Fine; if you want to be stubborn."

"I do; let's get on with this so you can go do whatever it is you need to do."

"Today was a disaster," he remarked as he met her gaze.

"Yes, I know; I was there…and I'm aware that you seem to want to blame me for it; but Shannon Wilson was on your list; you said she was a solid witness; how was I supposed to know she was going to change her story on the stand?"

"You didn't know but you choked this time," Jim stated. "You didn't handle it well. You could've tried to lead her back to her original testimony."

"I did try; she wasn't going back to it. I didn't panic."

"You did; because your brain isn't where it needs to be. Its stuck on that baby and this case is going down in flames just like Alkire has been bitching it is."

"Well then you take care of all of it if that's how you feel," she told him. "I know how to do my job; I took your word that you checked out everything there was to know about Shannon; and there she is throwing stuff around I have no clue about and she's claiming she told you."

"She did, but at the time it was immaterial."

"Well it isn't anymore!" she exclaimed as the waitress put her glass of soda on the table. "Take some blame for yourself, Jim."

"I can take some blame if you admit that you handled it badly."

"I paused once," she admitted; "Because I was wondering why the hell I hadn't heard about this deal she was talking about before. Forgive me, oh great one."

"Save your smart ass remarks for someone else," Jim retorted as he pulled a file from his briefcase. "Monday I'll be questioning the witnesses."

"Fine with me," she snapped. "What else?"

"We need to discuss damage control," he replied. "We need a new strategy."

"Fine," Johanna said; focusing her attention on the file. "Tell me what it is as I'm sure you don't want my opinion on anything since you don't seem to trust me to control my thought process."

"I'm not even going down that road," Jim remarked; "Let's get to work."

They worked on their new strategy and what needed to be called to attention in court the following Monday. When they finished, Johanna took the last sip of her soda and dug in her purse for the money to cover her part of the check.

"You really don't have to pay for that," Jim told her; "I'll get it."

"It's alright; I don't mind," Johanna answered as she got up from the table. "I'm sorry I was late; it won't happen again."

"Jo," he sighed. "Sit down and tell me why it's so upsetting to you that you haven't held this baby yet?"

"It's not; you've held one baby, you've held them all, right?" she said as she hooked her purse strap over her shoulder. "I'm just tired; it's been a long week. I'll see you Monday."

"I'll drive you home," he told her.

"I thought you had things to do?"

Jim glanced at his watch. "The night's pretty much shot now."

"It's only a little after eight," she remarked. "It's still early for a Friday night. Go on; go do whatever it was you had in mind. I'm sorry I held things up."

"I don't want you going home by yourself; it's dark out."

She gave him an indulgent smile as she kissed his cheek. "It's alright, Jim; I'm a big girl. Go meet your date. See you later."

"I'm dropping you off," he declared as he threw money on the table and grabbed his stuff. "I'm not taking no for an answer so just shut up and get in the car."

"Fine have it your way," she relented; in no mood to argue.

"Cheer up, sweetheart; you have all weekend to track down that baby and get a hold of him.

She shrugged. "I don't care anymore…the grandparents might be done with him in a few weeks so maybe I'll stand a chance then. I'm just going to put it out of my mind, go home, do some work to make sure we don't have anymore surprises."

"It's Friday night; take a break…find Sharon and go out and do whatever it is the two of you do when you hit the clubs."

Johanna sighed. "I don't feel like dancing or hustling drinks tonight. I just want to go home….be by myself."

Jim looked at her in confusion. "Why? You always want to be around people."

"If I'm home by myself I'm not out pissing people off," she remarked. "I've been looking forward to going home all day."

Jim gave a slight nod; knowing she counted him among the people she pissed off. "Alright then, I'll take you home."

"Thank you…and I promise that come Monday nothing any witness throws at me will throw me off my game."

He didn't know if he liked the sound of that sentiment or not but he figured it would be wise to keep his mouth shut just the same.

* * *

Johanna had taken her hair down during the ride back to her apartment and she raked her hand through her dark locks as she moved down the hallway, her mail in her unoccupied hand with her keys and briefcase. She felt weary and she couldn't wait to kick off her heels once she was through the door. She then had plans to sink into a hot bath, slip into her pajamas and pour herself a glass of wine to sip while she watched whatever she could find on television. She'd unplug the phone in the bedroom and sleep in the next morning…just be lazy for awhile and decompress. It felt like a good plan, until a voice jerked her from her thoughts and made her look up as she approached her door.

"Johanna," Frank said, his gaze pinned upon her.

She squashed the urge to sigh loudly as she frowned, seeing the stern look that usually always marred her father's features. "What are you doing here, Dad?" she asked as she put her key in the lock and pushed open the door.

"Don't get comfy," Frank stated as she turned on the light. "You need to come back to the house. Let's get going."

"Why?" she asked as she dropped her mail on the coffee table. "What's wrong? Did something happen to Mom?"

"No."

"Grandma?"

"No; your mother just wants you to come back; now let's go."

"For what?"

"You'll see when you get there."

Johanna shook her head. "Dad; I'm not going back over there tonight. I'm tired; it's been a long week, I had a disastrous day in court, I've been bitched at by my colleague all day and then again at our meeting. I had to listen to you insult me and I've sunken low enough to green light Colleen setting me up a date. I think I'm done for the day. I just want to take a bath and relax. Whatever it is can wait until Sunday."

Frank smirked at her. "Now that you've had your pity party, let's go."

"No! Don't you listen?!"

Frank eyed her in the way that had always made her tremble since she was a child. "You either walk out of here on your own or I'll carry you out."

"Don't you think I'm getting a little old to be carried out against my will by my father?"

"Yes," he answered; "Which is why you should come along quietly."

She sighed. "What is this about, Dad? Mom needs help with the clean up? Can't it wait until morning? I'll come over around nine and help her get it taken care of. I really don't feel up to a car ride with you tonight; it never ends well."

"It'll go just fine as long as you keep your mouth shut," Frank retorted. "Now let's go or I'm going to drag you out of here."

Johanna knew when she was defeated and she picked up her purse and keys once more. "Fine; let's get it over with," she muttered as she turned the lights off and opened the door.

She followed Frank down the hallway quietly figuring that her glass of wine would have to wait until after she played Cinderella at her mother's…most likely Colleen had already gone home pleading a case of cramps as usual. The brat. She just hoped it wouldn't take all night.

* * *

The car ride back to her mother's was uneventful, thankfully, Johanna mused as she followed her father in the door. She had taken his advice and kept her mouth shut, not wanting to start a fight she wasn't in the mood to finish. She hung up her purse and jacket as Frank called out, "I got her, Naomi."

She sighed, grateful that the house was empty of relatives but she saw the empty plates and cups and various debris from opening gifts; the pile now gone with the exception of the gift bag she had brought over earlier. She frowned; wondering why her gift had been left behind but she pushed the thought away as her mother stepped into the room from the kitchen. "Where do you want me to start?" she asked Naomi.

"Start what?"

"The clean up," she answered. "I assume that's why you wanted me to come back."

"Well you assumed wrong," her mother informed her. "Now sit down on the couch."

"Oh God; it must be a lecture," Johanna muttered. "Whatever it is, Mom; I'm sorry, I won't do it again. Can I go now?"

"No, you may not!" her mother exclaimed. "What's gotten into you today?"

"I've had a long week, Mother. Work has been terrible; I've got my father telling me that I date men who aren't interested in women and that my sister is a more attractive option…"

"Frank!" Naomi said sharply. "What the hell is wrong with you! Why would you say things like that?! You apologize right now!"

"What for?" he asked as he sank into his chair. "Everything I told her is the truth."

"Frank; now!" she said; her eyes snapping with fire.

He sighed. "I'm sorry I offended your sensitive little feelings, Johanna."

Johanna narrowed her eyes at him. "Don't do me any favors, Dad. You've never been sorry for anything so don't pretend now just because Mom is standing there making you do it. Now why am I here?"

"Because you have unfinished business to tend to," Naomi said as her eyes darted toward the hallway where Valerie had stepped out of the bedroom, the baby in her arms. "Did you get him changed?" she asked her daughter-in-law.

"Yes; he's changed and fed and all ready to meet his Aunt Johanna," Valerie said with a smile as she neared the couch.

Johanna looked up in surprise as he sister-in-law stood in front of her. "What are you still doing here?" she asked her. "Where's Frankie?"

"He ran out to the store to get us a few things before they close. I told him I'd stay here in hopes you'd come back so you could meet your nephew properly," she said as she leaned down and gently placed the baby in Johanna's arms. "There you are, Greg; here's your Aunt Johanna. She's been waiting on you a long time."

"Oh," Johanna breathed as she cradled the small bundle in her arms, his tiny body nestling against her as he expelled a soft huff of air as if he had been waiting too. A wave of all encompassing love washed over her as she looked down at his perfect little face, her fingertips brushing against his soft cheek; her eyes taking in every detail, his small nose, his perfectly sculpted mouth and the thin layer of dark hair that covered his head. She smiled, her fingers moving to capture the tiny fist that laid against his chest. She smoothed her thumb over his impossibly small fingers and his hand opened and curled around her finger. His blue eyes opened and met her gaze and in an instant he owned her heart.

"Get a picture of that look on her face, Frank," Naomi instructed her husband as he picked up the Polaroid camera that was laying on the stand. He clicked the picture but Johanna barely noticed; she was too absorbed in the tiny little person she was holding, listening to those soft mewing sounds he made, his unfocused gaze still upon her.

"You're perfect," she murmured; her head dipping to kiss his fist as it remained curled around her finger and then she kissed his forehead. "So very perfect. I'm so glad you're here," she whispered to him; all of the stress and frustration of her week melting away as she cuddled him close. Baby Greg yawned, his face turning toward her chest, nuzzling closer. "Are you tired, little man?" she asked softly, his hand uncurling from her finger, his thumb finding its way to his mouth. "You've had such a busy day, haven't you? So many people hogging you; keeping you away from me."

Valerie smiled; her gaze sliding told her mother-in-law at the comment. "We'll pretend I didn't hear that," Naomi remarked. "I don't want to disturb her when she's so besotted with her nephew and so utterly relaxed at the moment…I'm not even sure she remembers we're here."

"It doesn't matter now," Johanna murmured to him. "No one will keep you from me again, little man."

The baby made a sound that she took as an agreement and she kissed his small head once again, her fingers sliding against his soft tuft of dark hair. "I love you so much," she told him.

"I'm sure he loves you too," Valerie remarked; managing to pull her from her spell.

Johanna smiled brightly at her sister-in-law. "He's so perfect."

"He is," Valerie beamed, maternal pride casting her aglow. "And he's very content with his aunt."

"He wants me to babysit him," Johanna replied. "I can feel it."

Valerie giggled. "I don't think he needs a sitter yet."

"But when he does; I'm totally ready," she declared. "I want him."

"Excuse me," Naomi spoke up. "But I believe Grandmothers get babysitting dibs."

"I just called dibs," Johanna remarked.

"I still outrank you, I'm the grandmother."

Johanna's brow rose. "I will fight you if I have to."

"I'd pay to see that," Frank mumbled quietly; but his wife heard him anyway.

"And just who would you put money on, Frank McKenzie?" Naomi asked; her hands on her hips.

"I'm not going to answer that," he replied.

"You'll both have a chance to babysit, I'm sure," Valerie said as she got up long enough to fetch the gift bag that had been left untouched. "I was waiting for you to be here so I could open your gift, Jo. If I had known you couldn't stay earlier, I would've opened it right away."

"It's alright," Johanna replied; her gaze back upon the sleeping baby she held; her insides mushy with baby love.

Valerie pulled out the small teddy bear first. "Oh that's so adorable," she cooed. "I'm going to put it in his crib with him. It's so soft," she murmured, her hand moving over the soft light brown material of the bear.

"It just seemed like it should belong to him when I saw it on the shelf," Johanna said, her gaze flicking to Valerie for a moment. "I bought it the day he was born…I could picture him with it."

"He'll be with it, I can promise you that," her sister-in-law declared as she laid it next to her and reached back into the bag, pulling out two sleepers; one that was blue with a giraffe embroidered on it and another in white with an embroidered Winnie the Pooh on the chest. "I love these," she said; her hands moving against the baby soft material. "They're so cute."

"I was just hoping that no one else had grabbed those ones," Johanna admitted. "I know Mom's probably bought out two stores."

"At least," Frank muttered.

"Well she must've missed these," Valerie said with a smile as Naomi shot a glare at her husband and daughter. "They're adorable."

"There's more," Johanna told her as she kept the baby cuddled against her.

"How many stores did you buy out?" Frank asked.

"Barely half of one," she retorted as Valerie took out the bibs she had picked out and the pairs of tiny blue and white socks, two tiny hats and a soft blue sweater set.

"Oh," Valerie squealed; "You remembered that I wanted this!" she exclaimed as she pulled out the small dark blue sailor suit trimmed in red and white.

Johanna smiled. "I did remember. It was the only one left too."

"I'm so glad you got it," Valerie said, giving her a quick hug before reaching back into the bag and pulling out the rattles that Johanna had picked out for her nephew. "You're already spoiling him," she teased.

"That's my right as his aunt," Johanna quipped. "There's not a damn thing you can do about it."

"I don't want to," Valerie replied as she carefully put the items back in the bag. "You don't have to wait to babysit you know, you can come over and see him any time you want."

"I will," Johanna murmured; her lips brushing against Greg's soft forehead once again. "I don't think I could stay away if I wanted to."

"Good," her sister-in-law replied. "We want you around; we want you to enjoy your nephew and bond with him. You've been so excited with me through my whole pregnancy…and I'm so sorry that everything has been against you this week and you ended up being the last to hold him."

"It's okay," she whispered. "I've got him now…he was worth the wait."

Valerie smiled. "I think so too."

Johanna's gaze focused on the sleeping baby, her fingertips tracing the curve of his chin. "I've been told that becoming an aunt isn't a big deal," she murmured to him; "But people who think that couldn't be more wrong. You're a big deal to me. I can't promise I'll always get this aunt thing right but I'll always do my best…and no matter what I'll always love you."

"I don't think anyone will ever doubt that," Valerie said softly. "And I'm positive you'll be a wonderful aunt; you already are."

"I hope so," she replied; her attention still on baby Greg. "Just promise me you won't be like your daddy," she whispered to him with amusement.

"Johanna!" Naomi chastened.

Valerie smothered a laugh as Johanna giggled softly. "Listen to Grandma," she murmured. "She gets all excited…she knows your Daddy was bad as a little boy…I've probably got a few scars to prove it. You stay sweet and good like your Mommy."

"I'm agreeable to that," Valerie declared as Naomi shot them both a look.

"Frankie was not a bad child," Naomi stated. "He was just high spirited."

Frank scoffed. "That term was made up by mothers who don't like to admit when their kid is bad."

"None of my children were bad!" Naomi declared.

"Sure they weren't," Frank replied. "They were so good all the time that you were taking those occasional nips out of my Jack Daniels bottle just to celebrate."

"Mom!" Johanna said in surprise. "You told me you were using that in cakes!"

Frank chuckled. "Cakes my ass; she was slipping it into her tea. That was Mommy's happy juice on bad days."

Naomi's cheeks flamed red. "You just shut your mouth, Frank McKenzie! I only ever put anything in my tea if I was feeling under the weather."

"If that's what you want to tell yourself, darling," Frank said as he picked up the next section of his newspaper.

"Don't listen to him," Naomi said as she eyed her daughter and daughter-in-law. "He lies…he's the one who drank when days were difficult."

"So much makes sense now," Johanna said as she glanced at Valerie. "It's like a missing piece of the puzzle."

"It is not!" her mother declared.

Valerie looked to Johanna. "You can babysit."

Naomi's jaw dropped; horror that she might have been bumped from the list of babysitters spreading across her face as her hands fluttered against her chest. "Frank's a liar! I don't drink like that! Just a glass of wine, everyone knows that."

"And a little nippy of Jack," Frank said in amusement as he continued to read.

"You shut up!" his wife warned. "If I don't get to babysit my grandson because of you, I swear to God; I'm going into that kitchen and get the skillet and whamming you with it like I should've done twenty years ago!"

"You know where to find me," he chuckled.

"Girls," Naomi said; "You know how he is; you know he's not telling the truth. Johanna, you know; you're my baby, you were here, did you ever see me pour liquor into a cup?"

"Yes; you said it was for cake…but there was always cake in the house so I can't be sure of where it ended up," she replied.

Naomi sighed. "I am not a drunk!"

"Nobody believed Nixon when he made a similar statement about not being a crook," Frank said. "Why should they believe you?"

"Because I am much more reliable than you or Nixon!"

"It's okay, Mom," Johanna told her. "If you had a little nip once in awhile; apparently it wasn't enough to inflict any damage...that we know of or can prove."

Valerie laughed a soft teasing gleam in her eyes. "It's alright, Naomi; you can still babysit."

"It's a good damn thing; I'd hate to have to get rough on you," the older woman declared. "Now that you've had your turn, Johanna; let me have the baby."

"No," Johanna said, holding the baby protectively. "You've gotten enough of him since his birth. It's still my turn… you can have him when I'm done."

Frank glanced up from his newspaper. "In case you didn't know, Naomi; that was the sound of your words getting slapped back in your face."

She cut him a look. "Thank you for notifying me, dear; I would've never figured it out on my own…and you are asking for it tonight."

"Asking for what?"

"Nothing you'll like!"

"Change the subject please," Johanna exclaimed. "I don't like where this could be headed and I don't want it marring my visit with my little man."

Naomi conceded the battle and settled down in the other chair, watching as Johanna dipped her head to brush a kiss against the baby's forehead. She smiled; her middle child was a natural…she could only imagine how she'd look holding a child of her own.

* * *

On Monday afternoon as they packed up their files at the end of their court hearing, Jim noticed two Polaroid photos slide out of Johanna's planner as she picked it up from the table. He stooped down and picked them up, looking at the images, unable to fight his curiosity. The first photo was a close up of a newborn baby dressed in a blue sleeper, a blue and white receiving blanket loosely swaddling him. The next photo was of Johanna, she was sitting on a sofa, the baby cradled in her arms as she smiled brightly.

"You dropped these," Jim said as he handed them to her.

"Thank you," she murmured as she accepted the pictures and carefully slid them back under the paper clip on her planner.

"Your nephew?" he asked.

"Yes."

"I thought you didn't get to hold him Friday?" Jim said. "The clothes you have on in that picture are the same ones you had on in court on Friday."

"I went back to my mother's after you dropped me off Friday night," she answered as she finished putting her stuff away.

"You didn't even mention the baby this morning on the drive over here; I figured you still hadn't gotten your hands on him."

"I got him Friday night and I held him yesterday when I was at my mother's for dinner."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

Johanna met his gaze. "Because you're not interested…and because I didn't want you to think I was being too enthusiastic about a child that isn't mine."

He felt chastened; he supposed he had been acting like a jerk the last several days…he had a habit of doing that when working on high stress cases; but it was no excuse to dampen her enthusiasm about becoming an aunt. She had been looking forward to it, it was her family; she had a right to be as excited as she wanted even if he did think it was a bit silly to be so up in arms about holding a baby that wasn't hers.

"I'm sorry, Jo," he murmured. "I didn't mean to hurt your feelings."

She shook her head. "It's alright; it's the truth; he isn't mine."

"Yeah, but…he is your nephew."

Johanna shrugged. "It's no big deal."

A sigh crossed his lips as he lightly grasped her wrist to make her stop what she was doing. "I really am sorry; I had no right to dampen your enthusiasm."

"Oh believe me, you didn't," she said as she casually shook of his grasp. "I adore him; no one can change that."

"And no one should," he agreed.

"I guess I'm just different from the majority of people," Johanna remarked. "Some people see a nephew or a niece as something they're obligated to buy a gift for twice a year…and then there's me…if I can be involved and be an active part of his life, then I want to be there. I want to watch him grow up and enjoy him. He's only going to be a baby for such a short while; I want to be there. I want him to know when he grows up that he wasn't just loved by his parents and grandparents; he was loved by his aunt too…and she didn't view him as a financial obligation at the holidays."

"I didn't mean to make it seem like I view my niece and nephews that way," Jim replied. "I love those rugrats; I enjoy them when I see them."

"I know you love them."

"Do you?" he asked; "Because I feel like I've given a bad impression about that area of my life."

"I don't think you'd carry their pictures in your wallet if you didn't love them," she answered. "They'd be laying in a drawer somewhere instead."

He felt like he wasn't handling this conversation well and decided to try and turn it in a different direction until he could sort things out better. "I think since we finished this case early that we should go get something to eat to celebrate…my treat. I don't know why Alkire suddenly decided to make a deal but I'm glad it's done."

"So am I," she sighed. "Maybe my headache will go away now."

"Mine too," Jim remarked. "So how about it? Should we go celebrate?"

"Sure; if you want to," Johanna answered; noting that he seemed to be trying to show her that he was back to being more of himself and less of a jackass.

Jim offered her a small smile, knowing he had some smoothing over to do with her. "We'll go to that café you like; the one that seems to be part restaurant and part bakery."

"Sounds good…but are you sure you don't have something else you'd rather do…or someone else you'd rather go with?"

"I'm positive," he told her sincerely; his hand falling against the small of her back as they stepped into the aisle of the courtroom. "We've got the rest of the day free; we may as well enjoy it."

Johanna offered up a smile; she wanted to put this mess of a case behind them and get back to enjoying their usual friendship.

* * *

"So did Alkire make any trouble for you with Roche?" Jim asked Johanna as they sat together at the café.

"Sharon said I had a message from Roche saying that he wanted to see me but I told her to tell him I was out of the office doing research for my next case that's coming up this week."

"And really you were sitting at your desk?" he asked with a grin.

Johanna shook her head. "No; I've been working at the coffee shop down the block until court time so that I can avoid him until he forgets about it."

Jim gave a nod. "That's smart…why haven't I ever thought of that?"

"Because you're not me," she quipped as she picked up her sandwich.

He grinned. "You're right; clearly I don't have your devious mind…but what would you have done if you'd had clients coming in?"

"I would've slipped in for any appointments," she assured. "I called the office every half hour to check in for any emergencies Friday. I wouldn't have had to worry about it if we could've been in court at eight instead of ten."

He chuckled. "Do you think he'll forget now that the case is over?"

She shrugged. "With any luck at all. I really will be out doing some research tomorrow so he's not going to have a lot of luck at catching me. I'm heading into a busy period."

"Me too; everyone wants to get in before the holidays I guess."

"Yeah; they're hoping a quick settlement might make Christmas merry and bright," she quipped.

"That's the truth," he laughed before changing the subject. "So are you going to tell me about him or what?"

"Who?"

"The baby," Jim replied. "How is he?"

"He's fine."

"What's his name?"

"Are you sure you want to set me off on this topic?" she asked.

He nodded. "Yes; now what's his name."

"Gregory Patrick McKenzie," Johanna answered. "But he we call him Greg."

"They didn't name him after your brother?"

"No; we all agreed unanimously that two Franklin Patrick McKenzie's in the world was plenty."

He smiled. "Well I guess when you start getting into thirds it gets a bit ridiculous…and I don't know what you could've called him as a nickname since you call your brother Frankie."

"That was discussed; and Valerie mentioned that she felt the family needed variety of male names and we all agreed…except for Dad…Dad wanted Frank the third; he'd feel like he had a dynasty then…I'm so glad Valerie popped the bubble for him."

"What about your brother?" he laughed. "How did he feel about it?"

"He just wanted to keep the middle name; because Patrick is my grandfather's name; so really Greg shares a name with his great grandfather, grandfather and father. He's covered. Frankie isn't all that crazy about the name Franklin…the kids in school used to ask him if he was named after Ben Franklin and it majorly pissed him off."

"That's understandable…Greg is a nice name; not as overused as other names…like mine," Jim remarked.

She smiled. "I like your name; it suits you."

"Does it?"

"Mhmm; you look like a James."

"Well in that case, I guess my mother chose correctly."

"Yes; your mother got it right," Johanna replied. "My mother got it completely wrong."

"Oh I don't think so," he laughed. "I can't picture you as anything but a Johanna."

"When I was a kid I could picture me as anything that did rhyme with banana."

"What?" he asked in confusion.

Johanna looked at him. "Playgrounds aren't fun when your name rhymes with banana…it was always there's Ben Franklin and his sister Johanna Banana."

Jim grimaced. "That wouldn't be fun…probably especially if you wore yellow."

"I don't wear yellow; I don't have the coloring for it. I also don't like bananas…I don't even like how they smell."

He smiled. "I'll make a note of that so I never eat one around you."

"I'd appreciate that; I also hate grapefruit in case you need to know that for future reference."

"Okay; no grapefruit and no bananas around Johanna."

She smiled as she took a sip of her drink. "Greg will fare better than Frankie and I did; I don't think anything rhymes with Greg."

"Leg," Jim said. "And peg…beg…egg…lots of words rhyme with Greg. They'll probably go for egg…eggy Gregy."

Johanna kicked him under the table. "Don't talk about my baby like that!"

He laughed. "I wasn't calling him names; I was just showing it can be done."

"Like this, dim Jim?" she asked.

He eyed her. "That's not nice."

"Don't make up mean rhymes about my baby and you won't have to worry about it."

"Deal," he smiled. "I'm sure he'll be fine."

"I hope so."

"You've got awhile before you have to worry about playground bullies," Jim replied.

"That's true."

"How do you feel now that you've gotten to hold him?" he asked.

"Good," she smiled. "It's the best feeling I've had in awhile."

Her smile was always contagious, Jim thought to himself as he found himself smiling back. Little Greg McKenzie was a lucky boy to have her so eager to be in his life. He had no doubt that she'd spoil him rotten…that she had probably already started. The little boy would be showered in her love in every way possible…he just hoped that the boy would love her just as much in return…but really, how could he not?

Jim glanced to the back of the café where a display of cupcakes caught his eye. Maybe she needed a little spoiling too, he thought to himself. "I'll be right back," he told her. "I want to see about something."

"Alright; I'll be here."

He moved quickly to the back of the café; glad that Johanna was sitting with her back to the counter. "Can I help you?" the cashier asked.

"I'll take two of those cupcakes with the blue icing," he answered.

"Anything else?" she asked.

He spied the boxes of decorative pics that were sometimes shoved into the cupcakes to give them a holiday or special occasion flare. "My friend just became an aunt the other day," he said; "I want to give her something to celebrate…is there any way you can decorate the cupcake for that occasion?"

"Boy or girl?" the cashier asked.

"Boy."

She smiled. "I can dress it up a little; just give me a minute."

He smiled and thanked her, pulling his wallet from his pocket as he waited. When the cashier finished; she sat two small plates in front of him with the cupcakes on them.

"How's that?" she asked; pointing to the cupcake for Johanna.

Jim smiled and nodded as he saw that she had stuck a pic into the cupcake that read 'It's A Boy' and had added some white sprinkles. "That's perfect; thank you," he told her as he handed her the money to pay for them; telling to keep the change as a tip.

He carefully carried the plates back to the table and sat Johanna's down in front of her. "What's this?" she asked, a smile touching her lips at the sight of it.

"That's your 'congratulations on becoming an aunt' cupcake," he told her. "I thought we should celebrate the birth of Greg McKenzie properly."

Johanna's smile widened. "I'd say a cupcake is definitely the proper celebration for such a happy occasion."

"I'm just sorry it's nearly a week late," Jim replied. "I was off my game, sweetheart; I apologize…not just for the delay in celebration but also for what you've had to put up with from me through this case."

"It's okay; I forgive you…baby cuddles and cupcakes go a long way towards improving my mood," she replied with a grin.

Jim laughed. "Then cuddle that baby often and I'll see to it that you get a cupcake whenever possible."

"Oh I intend to cuddle him often," she remarked. "There's no keeping him from me now."

"I don't doubt that at all," Jim stated. "I'm sure he'll be spoiled rotten by the time he's six months old."

Johanna nodded. "It is one of my life's goals now."

Jim picked up his mug of coffee and gestured for her to pick up her glass of soda, which he then clinked his mug against. "Here's to little Greg McKenzie and his aunt Johanna, may you two be very happy together in the toy department of any store in the city."

She laughed. "Maybe we'll see you there with your brood."

"You might; I'm suddenly feeling some uncle guilt."

Her eyes danced with amusement. "So much for it not being a big deal."

"What can I say, Jo; sometimes you make me change my way of thinking," he replied.

"Good," Johanna replied; a sparkle still in her eyes. "That's what I'm here for…to change your way of thinking and to spoil my little man….all between cases of course."

"I'd say that so far you're a smashing success."

She smiled; she hoped she'd be a smashing success as an aunt…and maybe one day Jim would think she was a success at being something more than he thought she was at the moment.

 _Author's Note: Keep in mind that this was the 70s; mothers and babies were kept in the hospital longer back then; my research shows about 3-4 days was the average._


	6. Chapter 6- Tiny Little Feet

_Author's Note: Thanks for your reviews. This scene is from the arc of Johanna's pregnancy scare and it takes place on the day she gets the results of her tests…when she buys those booties._

Chapter 6- Tiny Little Feet

Johanna wandered aimlessly through the streets, half heartedly window shopping as she waited for the time to pass so that she could go to her doctor's appointment. God it felt like the hours were moving slowly…maybe she shouldn't have taken off work as early as she had but she just couldn't concentrate. Her mind was too full of possibilities; too full of worries and fear…and yet despite those things, she kept allowing herself to think about those warmer thoughts that Maggie had been encouraging at the lunch that day. Babies were nice, she thought to herself…and she did hope to have one; that statement always had a one day attached to it but maybe one day was here. Maybe it was supposed to be this way for some reason. Would it really be so terrible?

She sighed and stepped closer to the buildings she was passing to be out of the way of a mother pushing a stroller that contained a beaming baby girl while holding on to the hand of a toddler boy who didn't look very happy to be out and about. She smiled a little; they were both so cute despite their contrasting moods. Their mother gave her a grateful smile for stepping out of the way when so many others hadn't. She gave the woman an acknowledging nod and went on her way, wondering what it would be like to push a baby of her own in a stroller. What would it be like to be a mother instead of an aunt? She loved kids…she loved Greg with everything she had so she could only imagine the love for her own child would be double that.

Her hand strayed to her stomach without thought; babies were nice…they were so warm and tiny; they were so nice to hold and cuddle and love. Holding a baby was always a special feeling to her…a hundred different things could be wrong, but anytime Valerie had laid baby Greg in her arms, it all went away. A feeling of warmth spread through her; maybe it wouldn't be so bad…things could be hard of course; but she had plenty of love to give to a child.

But she wasn't supposed to feel that way…she wasn't supposed to want this, she reminded herself…she wasn't ready…but was anyone really ever ready for the task? She couldn't imagine that anyone, even those who planned for a baby, could be perfectly ready for the job. In fact, she was sure that she remembered her mother telling Valerie that motherhood was a learn as you go endeavor; you knew what you were told by your own mother and grandmother and by your mother-in-law; the rest you learned through trial and error. She figured she was already a student of that method in most things of life so why not with motherhood? She could get the hang of it, she was sure of it…at least mostly sure.

Johanna paused and took a breath, trying to slow down her swirling thoughts; there may not even be a baby…and yet the queasiness of her stomach and the fact that her period still hadn't arrived, seemed to convince her that the possibility was good that she was on the verge of impending motherhood. She sighed moved on; her feet carrying her without thought to a little baby boutique that had opened around the time Valerie had been pregnant with Greg. She peered in the window at the racks of baby clothes and the furniture that she could see scattered around. Two large stuffed teddy bears sat in the window display; layettes for a boy and a girl between them. She wondered what her baby would be and then tried to remind herself that she was jumping the gun…but her mind wouldn't be swayed; it wanted to stay in that rosy bubble where having a baby wasn't such a bad thing at all.

Johanna pushed open the door of the store and stepped inside before she could even think about what she was doing. It was quiet inside; only two other women milling about; picking up a variety of items. She probably really shouldn't be there, Johanna thought to herself as her eyes landed upon the swollen stomach of one of the shoppers…but then her palm fell against the flatness of her stomach; there was a good chance that there was a baby nestled in her womb; and until she knew otherwise, she had every right to be there. With that thought in mind, she drifted further into the store, moving to a rack of sleepers for newborns. She smiled as her fingers reached out and moved them along the rack, a tiny pink one with a little butterfly embroidered on the chest caught her eye.; she'd definitely want that one for the baby…although it would be an issue if it was a boy. A blue sleeper came next, little trucks decorating it…she'd want that too, just in case it was a boy.

Johanna looked through the rack; mentally selecting sleepers in more gender neutral shades of white, yellow and mint green. She moved on to another rack; one full of frilly little dresses for baby girls and she was sure she felt her insides turn to mush as she touched them and imagined her own baby girl wearing them. Her fingers fell upon a white dress that was embroidered with small pink rosebuds and had tiny puffed sleeves trimmed with soft lace and she fell in love. Oh how she wished she could buy it; but buying it might jinx things and guarantee a boy instead of a little girl to dress up in that darling little dress. She was sure her baby would have a head full of hair…maybe as dark as hers…or maybe lighter like Jim's, but either way, if she got to buy that dress, she'd find a tiny pink bow to put in the baby's hair. A dress that adorable would demand shoes, and with that thought in mind, Johanna looked to the left and saw the racks holding baby shoes. She moved toward it, her eyes zeroing in on a pair of pink leather Mary Jane baby shoes. Those would be perfect; she mused as she reached for them and held them in her hand. They were so tiny and adorable. Yearning swept through her; oh she hoped it would be a little girl that she could dress up in all those pretty dresses and buy all of those cute little shoes for.

She sighed and put the shoes back on the rack and tore herself away from them. A table of receiving blankets met her eye and she moved closer, allowing her fingers to rub against the soft pastel materials. Heavier blankets rested beside them and her hands moved over them as well as she tried to calculate when she'd be due if there was a baby. Most likely her baby would come in June, she figured; unless of course she was wrong about when it was likely conceived…but she didn't really think so; it had to have been that first week she and Jim had been back together, and that night that started in his office and didn't end until the next morning in her shower seemed the best candidate. Yes, that had to be it…they'd practically been begging for a pregnancy to happen with the way they had acted that night. A June baby would need those thinner blankets to start out with but she could get some of the heavier ones to put back for the winter too.

With the thought of winter in mind, she looked at that hats and little caps on display; smiling as her fingers grazed a blue one that had little teddy bears holding baseball bats on it. Jim would like that if they had a boy…that was if he wanted to be a part of things. She hoped to God that he would; that he wouldn't want to miss a thing and that they could work something out. She didn't want to force him to marry her…but she knew that if he pressed for it, she'd give in…and she'd do everything she could to make it work; to take as much stress and burden off of him as possible…but she'd want him to be a part of things…she'd want him to pick out little things he wanted their baby to have.

Johanna pulled her hand away from the hat she had been staring at; but what if Jim didn't want to be a part of it? What if he didn't want anything to do with it at all? She sucked in a shaky breath…well, then she'd do it alone. She could do it…it would be hard, but she could do it. She drifted toward the baby furniture at the other side of the store; her eyes falling on a white crib that had a picture of a bunny painted on it. She ran her hand along the smooth wood; picturing her bedroom in her mind. She'd probably have to lose the chair in her bedroom…and relocate her vanity to the other side of the room to be able to get the crib in there. It would be a tight fit but she'd make it work until she could get them a bigger place so that the baby could have its own room.

The thought of having to move made her queasy stomach clench. Moving took money, and while she had money in the bank; enough to last them for awhile, she had to keep in mind that it was possible that she could lose her job…and losing her job would mean she couldn't afford higher rent for a bigger place…and that her savings would be gone quickly between the rent she already paid, the utilities, groceries and the things a baby required. The thought of blowing through all the money she had in her various savings accounts tied a knot in her stomach. If she got fired who knew how long she'd be out of work; definitely for whatever span of her pregnancy was left and she'd have to have some time after the baby was born; her maternity leave, so to speak. She'd probably want to be home with the baby for the first two months…and that coupled with whatever time she had already been out of work…well that could be six months at the least, depending on how long she could keep it hidden. She wasn't guaranteed to find a job easily and quickly…not with the words 'single mother' attached to her. They wouldn't be big on that distinction in the law offices of the city; no matter what they said or who they defended publicly. She might not even get another job in a law firm; it would depend on what words got spread around about her in the legal community. God, she might have to start all over…she might have to let her law degree collect dust while she worked a lower paying job in a different field. It wasn't like she had the money to start her own law firm and provide for herself and a child until she got back on her feet.

Johanna gripped the side of the crib. She'd probably have to move back home if her parents would let her…and that probably wouldn't be pleasant but she might not have a choice. She had no doubt that despite everything; her mother would welcome her home with open arms. Her father would probably lecture and grumble, but she knew her mother would make him keep his word about saying she could come home if she was in trouble. It would be hard to face her father if things turned out that way…but she'd swallow her pride and take whatever he threw at her. She and the baby could take the upstairs; they wouldn't be underfoot much if they stayed up there most of the time; and she was sure her mother would watch the baby for her while she worked; it would be easier if they were already under the same roof. Well, if that was what it came to, so be it, she told herself. She and the baby would stay at her place for as long as they could and then she'd go home until she could get back on her feet. If her job search went badly, there was a chance that her father might find a place for her at his company. It would be alright; they'd manage…and if she had to bite her tongue every day to show her gratitude for being allowed to come home, so be it; she could do it.

Her gaze flicked toward a rocking chair and she smiled; it would be nice to rock a baby to sleep…but there wouldn't be room for that in her bedroom. She could probably get it into the living room…and if worst came to worst; she'd have plenty of room at her parents house if they allowed her to have the upstairs. Her stomach twisted again; she didn't really want to think about that though; she'd rather look at the more positive side of things in the scenario that Jim bailed on her; she had to think that maybe she wouldn't lose her job at all and that after a few months, she and the baby could move into a bigger apartment. She inhaled and exhaled slowly, easing the knot in her stomach; if she minded her manners at work and did everything she could to hide things and not offend people, there was no reason why she should lose her job…and if they did want to get rid of her…well, she'd just sue them and they'd have to give her a settlement and that would buy her more time. There, problem solved, she hold herself.

She moved around, trying to be inconspicuous as she still felt somewhat out of place for being there…she didn't have confirmation of a baby yet but the thought was so firmly in her mind that it didn't seem to matter, but it might matter to the person at the cash register who had eyed her flat stomach and was now watching her subtly. Let her watch, she mused as she continued to browse; looking at rattles and stuffed animals, bibs and bottles, strollers and high chairs. No matter what happened; whether Jim stayed with them or not; they were definitely going to need a bigger place to house all of that baby paraphernalia.

Johanna came to a stop at a table that was filled with tiny pairs of booties in every color imaginable. Her breath caught as she surveyed them, thoughts of tiny little baby feet filling her mind. A small smile touched her lips as she reached for a pair of white booties that had multi-colored embroidered blocks on the sides that spelled out 'BABY'. Her heart skipped a beat as she envisioned those small booties on her baby's little feet. It was supposed to be such a bad thing…it was supposed to be the last thing she wanted right now when her ring finger was bare and her boyfriend somewhat reluctant about commitments…but as she stood there and held those tiny booties in her hand, she wanted it. She wanted their baby so badly that it nearly stole her breath. No matter what happened; it would be alright; she'd make sure it was alright; she'd do anything she could for her baby.

The part of her that was still thinking rationally told her that she should put those booties back on the table and come back and get them later on when it would be more appropriate…but what if they didn't have them? What if someone else bought the booties she wanted? They were for her baby, no one else's, she mused as her fingers rubbed against the soft material; maternal love starting to build for the child she didn't even know for sure was there. She sat them down…and then picked them up again, unable to tear herself away.

Johanna felt conflicted for a moment as she continued to clutch the booties; her heart stubbornly believing they were meant for her baby and that feeling seemingly overruled her brain and set her feet in motion, carrying her to the counter where the cashier was waiting. She sat the booties down on the counter and pulled her wallet from her purse as she noticed the cashier once again eyeing her stomach. The cashier's gaze then flicked to Johanna's ring finger, a slight look of disdain crossing her features as she saw that it was bare. She could feel her cheeks begin to warm as the cashier totaled the purchase.

"Would you like them gift wrapped?" the cashier asked; a hint of disapproval on her face; curiosity in her tone as if declining the option might hint that they weren't a gift at all.

"No, I'll do that myself," Johanna answered; although she chastened herself for feeling slightly ashamed and insinuating that they were a gift.

The cashier carefully tucked the booties into a brown and green striped bag and folded the top down. She sat the bag in front of Johanna and took her money; quickly counting out her change and handing it back with the receipt; suspicion still in her eyes. Johanna shoved her change into her purse and grabbed the bag; muttering a soft "Thank you" as she turned and hurried from the store.

The brisk air of October hit Johanna's face as she moved away from the store, cooling the hint of embarrassment that colored her cheeks. She stepped away from the throng of people on the sidewalk and carefully shoved the bag into her purse before glancing at her watch. It was time, she thought to herself; rejoining the crowd of people moving down the sidewalk. It was time to go to the doctor and get the official word. She patted her purse; the bag rustling inside as she did so; at least the baby shopping was started if need be…and for the moment, she could admit to herself that she wasn't so afraid of a positive result…a part of her craved it and wanted it…a part of her already loved it and could imagine those white booties on tiny little feet.

* * *

Johanna couldn't keep her foot from tapping against the floor as she sat in the chair across from the doctor's desk, waiting on him to confirm things. He seemed to be taking forever to read the contents of her file and she couldn't help but feel like he was doing it on purpose to punish her somehow. Finally he finished reading and sorted the papers back into order. Her stomach was knotted as tightly as possible and she felt like she could barely breath as he finally glanced at her.

"You're not pregnant, Miss McKenzie," he informed her curtly.

Johanna felt her heart tumble in her chest. "Not pregnant?" she uttered in response.

"No; the pregnancy test came back negative."

Her stomach unknotted but there was an odd hollow feeling filling her body, making her squirm in response; her hand clutching her purse and making the bag inside rustle. She was such a fool, she mused upon hearing the sound, a reminder that less than an hour before she had bought a pair of booties for a baby that didn't exist. Tears filled her eyes and she had to hurry and blink them back; forcing her mind to listen to the doctor as he spoke of the fact that the results of her blood work and exam were both fine and normal. She nodded as he expected her to do…and she waited for relief to fill her. She felt a small measure of that relief as the knot in her stomach had disappeared but she felt more inclined towards crying; an overwhelming since of loss sweeping over her.

"…You definitely have a touch of that virus that's going around," the doctor went on. "As for your cycle; I believe it's merely delayed due to stress and again, the fact that you picked up that virus. Take a few days off and relax and it'll most likely make an appearance soon."

"Alright," she murmured; her throat tight with emotion and a need to flee before the tears fell welling up within her. She began to get up to leave but the doctor eyed her sternly.

"We're not finished, Miss McKenzie."

"Is something else wrong?" Johanna asked.

"Not medically," he answered as he reached for the pad of prescriptions. "But I feel I'd be remiss in my duties if I didn't warn you against the lifestyle you're currently indulging in."

She looked at him oddly. "I'm not sure I understand."

"Miss McKenzie; if you're conducting your life in a manner that requires pregnancy tests, then perhaps you need to start rethinking your behavior or learn to be a more responsible young lady," the doctor remarked. "You're clearly not taking precautions to prevent an unwanted pregnancy."

It was on the tip of her tongue to say that her child wouldn't have been unwanted; that she had wanted her baby…but then she realized once more that the baby she wanted had never existed in the first place and she kept her mouth closed as he continued to lecture; extolling the virtues of being a proper young lady and exercising caution. She had never felt so embarrassed in her whole life; she felt dirty beneath his gaze as he droned on; making her feel like some kind of slut who slept around and tried to trap men with a baby.

She wasn't like that and she resented the implication but she couldn't get her brain and mouth to function as they usually did and so she remained silent; absorbing it all as her heart ached.

The doctor slid a prescription across the desk to her and she accepted it numbly. "If you're going to continue to behave the way you obviously have been," the doctor stated; "Then you best take these and spare yourself some worry."

Johanna tried to shake off the cobwebs and focus. "What is it?" she asked.

The doctor gave her a sharp look; catching on that she had missed some of his last sentence. "Birth control pills, Miss McKenzie; I just told you that."

"I'm sorry," she murmured; "I have a lot of things on my mind."

"Yes; I can see that…and exercising caution should be chief among them."

"Of course," Johanna replied; forcing herself to listen as he explained how to use the pills and when to begin taking them.

Finally he dismissed her and Johanna left the office, trying to ignore the sight of expectant mothers in the waiting room. She hurried outside; the air suddenly feeling colder than it had earlier. She shivered as she shoved the prescription into her purse…what a day; one minute she had been buying booties…the next she was heading for the drugstore on foot to fill the prescription for birth control pills…her heart feeling heavy as she tried to hold back the tears for awhile longer. Now she was back to 'maybe one day' when it came to the subject of motherhood…and she knew that her warm rosy daydreams and those booties in her purse meant that she'd need to mourn the abrupt end of the dream of one day being today.


	7. Chapter 7 - Between Friends

_Author's Note: Thanks for your reviews! This scene is from the Atlantic City chapter (39)._

Chapter 7- Between Friends

"What's going on with you and Jim?" Sharon asked later that day as they sat in the hotel dining room waiting on their food to arrive.

"Nothing," Johanna answered.

Her friend eyed her knowingly. "Are you two fighting… _again_?"

"No," she replied, her voice holding a mild note of exasperation at Sharon's tone.

"Seems like it."

Johanna toyed with the edge of her napkin in agitation; she knew that things were off between her and Jim and that it was really her fault. She was the one who had woken up with cautious hope that things might be different and Jim had woken up ready to go on as if nothing had happened and she followed his lead in an aloof way. But they weren't fighting…and she sort of resented the accusation that it was all they ever did because that wasn't true at all. "We're not fighting. If anyone should be fighting, it should probably be you and Phil."

"Why?" Sharon asked.

"Because of his controlling nature."

"Phil's not controlling!"

"Yes, he is. He tries to tell people what to do and how to act and now he's telling you how to dress. What kind of nonsense is that? And since when do you let a man tell you what you're allowed to wear? There was a time when you would've worn that bikini just to prove that no one tells you what to do."

"It was one stupid bathing suit, Jo. You don't need to label him as controlling over that."

"That's how it starts."

"Oh please," the secretary scoffed. "If that's the case, every man in the world is controlling and that's including Jim."

"Jim and I aren't in a relationship so therefore that point is moot. But even if we were in a relationship, I'm sure he knows I do what I want."

"Phil was right, the suit was too revealing. God knows yours left little to the imagination."

"I know; that's how I wanted it and planned it. Jim and I have this thing about discussing my bikini collection, I wanted to offer him something new this season."

"Is that why you're in a bad mood? You planned something and it didn't work out?"

"It worked just fine and I'm not in a bad mood. There was nothing wrong with my bikini; Maggie and Claudia's were made the same way. When did you start turning into a prude? Is Phil rubbing off on you?"

"Phil isn't a prude; and I wish you wouldn't have let Jim call him that the other night. While we're on the topic of wardrobe, what about those shorts you had on that were up to your ass?" Sharon remarked.

Johanna shrugged. "It's my ass; I can show it off if I want…it has been remarked upon fondly so it apparently it isn't as bad as I thought it was. What are you, my mother? And while we're talking about letting people say things; I didn't hear you opening your mouth when Phil was making his smart ass comments to me."

"Maybe he felt like you were attacking him."

"Maybe he needs to get his head out of his ass and be a man and then he won't feel so threatened by everything."

"There is nothing wrong with my fiancé," the secretary retorted; "And no, I'm not trying to be your mother. I just noticed that you were being pretty brazen this weekend."

"That's what everyone tells me to do…including you. I thought I'd give it a shot and see what I could stir up."

"I think you might've gone overboard; you lacked subtlety, Jo."

Johanna's eyes flickered with challenge. "Maybe I'm tired of being subtle. What's your problem? Are you jealous?"

Sharon's eyes widened in surprise; "Jealous of what?!"

She shrugged a shoulder. "You tell me? Maybe because even without a commitment, Jim shows me more affection in public than Phil ever shows you."

Sharon scoffed. "He just wants in your pants."

"Oh I know he does," Johanna replied without batting an eye. "And he'll get there eventually; but the point remains that he doesn't act like an iceberg in public."

Her friend leaned back in her chair; her eyes cool as she regarded Johanna. "Phil might be restrained in public but at least he's claimed me," she said, holding up her left hand and wiggling her ring finger. "You see, I have a ring, and you don't. Technically, you don't even have a man."

"I'll have him," Johanna remarked firmly. "You just wait and see."

"No, you won't; you might be flaunting yourself in front of him and letting him cop a feel in dark corners of a bar but you're too much of a coward to really do anything about the situation."

She smiled. "Kind of like how you were too much of a coward to stand up and say you'd wear what you wanted? Are you that desperate to get married that you're going to stand around and keep your mouth shut because you're afraid that he might take that ring back?"

"What business is it of yours, Johanna?" Sharon said tartly. "I think you just like to pick lately. You don't want to see someone else getting married so you have to turn your nose up in the air and act like you're better because you're 'waiting' for something spectacular that isn't ever going to come along. Here's a newsflash for you, Jo; Prince Charming doesn't exist; get over it."

"If anyone picks, it's you. I brought up the issue because when I hear you say that something isn't worth the argument, it makes me worry about you, Sharon. It makes me wonder what else you're going to sacrifice because that's what Phil wants. This week it's a bathing suit, next week it's something else and the list keeps growing. Before you know it, he's picking your friends and telling you when you can do this or that and how much you're allowed to spend on a dress. If that's what you want; fine. I won't say another word about it; but if it isn't; then you better remember where your back bone is and start using it before you walk down the aisle. If anyone turns their nose up, it's been you lately. You stare into the glare of that diamond long enough and suddenly you think you're better; well let me tell you something, Sharon; you're not going to do to me what Colleen did; every time you get uppity with me, I'm going to knock you back down where you belong."

Sharon picked up her glass of water and took a long sip before speaking. "Well now that we've gotten that settled."

"I'm sorry if I've overstepped my bounds," Johanna remarked. "I won't say anything again about Phil's behavior. I'll stay out your relationship and you can stay out of mine."

Her friend looked taken back by the statement. "What the hell is this about, Jo?"

"Maybe I didn't like your tone."

"What tone?"

"How you imply that all Jim and I do is fight."

Sharon gave a short laugh. "Well you do lately."

"We do not."

"Yes, you do; you two get all hot and bothered with each other and get half way to home base but chicken out and then you have to fight with each other to burn off the tension. Who do you think you're kidding? Everyone knows that all the two of you do lately is fight and make up. If that's what you like, then have at it."

"You're just mad because I brought up a flaw in your saintly fiancé," Johanna retorted. "He never used to be this bad but apparently when you said yes, something went to his head and inflated his self importance."

"And you're just being bitchy because the truth hurts about you and Jim."

"Fine, I'm a bitch," Johanna declared; "But it takes one to know one, so join me on stage madam co-president."

Sharon laughed then; the tension deflating and a small smile touching Johanna's lips. "I like that we're co-presidents of the bitch club," Sharon remarked. "I wouldn't want it any other way."

"Me neither," she admitted. "I'm sorry."

Her friend shook her head. "I'm sorry too; I guess we both have things on our minds."

"Yeah," she sighed; "But I don't want to think about it anymore right now."

Sharon nodded. "We'll close the book on relationship talk for today."

Phil appeared in the dining room about that time and made his way to the table. He frowned as he spotted Johanna. "Why didn't you go with the others?" he asked her.

"Because I didn't feel like going to a sports bar and Sharon invited me to eat with her. Is that a problem, Phil?"

"No; I guess not…but I figured you'd want to go; they might have some dark corners for you and Jim."

Sharon shot her fiancé a sharp look. "Johanna is a grown woman and if she wants Jim to come on to her in the dark corner of a bar; that's her business, not yours, now back off. I don't know what your problem is lately but let's get something clear right now; you don't pick my clothes and you don't pick my friends. You got away with it this time but it won't happen again, do you got that?"

"I've got it," Phil remarked; his gaze darting between the two women. "I guess I know what your gab session was about…maybe I'm not the only one who needs a mind your own business lecture."

Johanna held his stare. "Phil, I don't know what your problem is with me, but you either need to get over it or be a man and tell me what it is. If you're hoping that your attitude will make me stop being friends with Sharon, you've got another thing coming. We knew each other long before you came in the picture and I'm not going anywhere unless she ends our friendship and I don't really see that happening anytime soon. Now do you want to discuss your issue or would you rather stop being a jackass and enjoy lunch?"

"Maybe I should've gone with the others," Phil remarked. "Clearly I'm intruding on your girl time and bonding. Maybe I should go."

"Could you?" Sharon asked gently. "I'm not trying to hurt your feelings but I think I'd just like to have lunch with my best friend today…we need girl time."

"That's fine. I'll go join the others," he said as he rose from the seat he had taken. He brushed a kiss against Sharon's lips and then stepped back from the table. "I hope you ladies enjoy your meal and your gossip."

"Thank you," Sharon said with a smile.

Johanna caught his eye and offered a smile of her own. "I won't monopolize her for lunch anymore this week."

"I'm not worried," he replied before turning and walking away.

Johanna sighed and looked across the table at her friend. "Are you really sure you want to marry him?" she asked.

Sharon nodded slowly. "Yeah…I'm sure."

Her brow rose. "That doesn't sound as convincing as you think."

The secretary shook her head. "I just get cold feet now and then…I mean how can you ever really be sure that it's absolutely the right thing to do?"

"I don't know…I always figured if it was the right person there wouldn't be any doubts."

"I'm not sure it's really doubts that I have," Sharon replied; "More like a few things I don't like but that I'm sure I'll learn to live with."

"Are you sure that's the right thing to do?"

"I'm marrying him," Sharon said quietly and firmly.

"Why?" Johanna asked.

"Because I love him…."

"And?" she questioned; sensing there was more to the sentiment than Sharon had mentioned.

Her friend met her eye. "Because I love him…and he's the only one who asked."

"Why do I feel like you're settling?"

Sharon shook her head. "It's not like that."

"Are you sure?"

There was hesitation, Sharon's fingers toying with the linen napkin. "Of course."

"Sharon," she sighed.

"I'm marrying him; I love him…those little things that bother me; I can fix them. Everything will be fine and we'll be happy."

Johanna eyed her. "If there are little things that need fixed…little doubts you're afraid to confess; is it worth doing? Sure you love him, but is it enough? Is it worth it just because he's the only one who asked?"

"Yes," Sharon replied; "It's worth it to me…and I want you to be happy for me."

She felt like her best friend was settling for a man who wasn't entirely worthy for her but she couldn't make that exact sentiment known; so instead she smiled and nodded. "I am happy for you…I'd just be remiss in my duties as your best friend if I didn't make sure it was what you wanted."

The other woman smiled. "I understand…I'd do the same thing if I had reservations about something you were doing…like whatever it is you're doing with Jim this weekend."

Johanna laughed softly. "Clearly I'm not doing anything with Jim this weekend."

Sharon met her gaze. "I saw you slipping out of his room this morning…wearing what you had on last night."

"It's not what you think."

"Are you sure about that? Because it kind of seems like maybe something happened that you're not sure was a good thing."

Johanna took a sip of her drink. "Nothing happened."

"Look me in the eye and say that."

She looked her friend in the eye. "What we intended to happen didn't happen."

"What did you intend to happen?"

Johanna gave her a look. "What do you think, Sharon?"

Sharon's yes widened a little even though she had suspected that Johanna and Jim had finally crossed the line. "You gave him the green light?"

"I did."

"And it didn't happen?"

"No."

"Why the hell not?!" Sharon exclaimed softly.

"Because Jeff called; he needed bail money."

"Bastard," the secretary murmured.

"Yeah; I had that thought myself," Johanna laughed.

"How far had things gotten?"

"Almost to the point of no return."

"You had to have waited for him though; I saw you come out of his room."

"I did wait but by the time he came back I was asleep…although he did try to wake me up enough to continue but by then the moment was gone."

Sharon nodded. "It is difficult to come back from an interruption like that."

"Yeah; it is…and this morning; it was like it never happened at all, you know?"

Her friend sighed as she held her gaze. "What did you expect?"

"I don't know," Johanna said as she shrugged; "Everything I didn't get I guess. I guess some part of me thought that we might talk about it…that it might make things change between us. I mean we got a lot further than we usually do…and there wasn't any attempt to talk about what it means."

"You're going to have to be the one to start that conversation," Sharon remarked.

"Yeah…and I hate being the one to do that. It makes me feel needy or pushy or something. I know we're long overdue for a talk about the state of affairs and that I'm going to have to bite the bullet here soon."

Sharon smiled. "But you have cold feet about it?"

"Of course…it terrifies me. What if I blow it?"

"What if you don't?"

Johanna smiled. "Then everything would be perfect."

The secretary took a sip of her drink and glanced at her friend once more. "Is he worth all of this worry and chasing after him?"

Johanna nodded. "Yeah; he is."

"Why?"

"Because…I love him."

"And?"

"And I just don't want anyone but him…no one else can measure up to him."

"So it's got to be Jim and no other?" Sharon asked.

"Yeah; it's got to be him," she replied quietly. "No one else will do."

"Okay," Sharon replied; "I just wanted to be sure. I didn't want to be remiss in _my_ duties as your best friend."

Johanna laughed. "We definitely can't have that; it wouldn't be fair."

"Oh of course not," Sharon giggled; "And we've decided that the men in our lives, despite their faults, are worth it."

Johanna gave a nod. "But that doesn't mean that we can't complain about them at our scared women only lunches."

"Right," her best friend agreed; "As long as it's just between friends, it's alright."

"It's always going to be this way; isn't it?" Johanna asked; a serious note in her tone as she worried that Phil might indeed try to drive a wedge between them one day.

"Of course it is," Sharon answered; her tone serious. "Nothing can change things for us, Jo. We're going to be best friends forever…just like we proclaimed at Mario's counter while wearing those hideous pink waitress uniforms. Sometimes things get out of sorts between us but we always come back from it."

"I know…but sometimes maybe we need some assurance as we move on to other things," Johanna remarked. "Some people call it jealousy when other things pop up in the lives of people you care about…but it's not; it's just wondering if you're still going to have a place in the new order of things."

Sharon nodded. "Yeah; I get that…because I'm not the only one with someone else around…I've got Phil and you've got Jim; no matter what type of relationship it is…and sometimes I wonder too; because I know he's the one you run to now; and I run to Phil…and we both know it's the way it's supposed to be in a lot of ways…but I still want to know that I'm your best friend too."

"You are," Johanna replied. "Always…and I hope it never changes for you."

"It won't," Sharon said firmly. "You're always going to be my best friend; no matter what. No matter who we marry, how many kids we have, job ups and downs, petty fights and whatever else life throws at us. Nothing is going to change this; nothing is going to change what we are; we're best friends for life. I can't imagine anything ever changing that."

"I feel the same way," she replied; "No matter what; even if things get hard at times; you're always going to be my best friend."

"Then neither one of us have anything to worry about; do we?"

"No," Johanna smiled. "But I'm glad we've gotten all of that out of our systems."

"Me too," Sharon agreed; "The co-presidents of the bitch club should always be able to air grievances and clear the air."

Johanna laughed. "Very true," she agreed; "And I'm glad to share the office with you, as always."

"Of course; how could you not be happy to share with me," her friend teased.

Johanna smiled; some of her worries put at ease for the time being. No matter what happened in her love life; it was nice to know that her best friend would always be there waiting for her to air her grievances at the lunch table.


	8. Chapter 8- Unexpected

_Author's Note: Thanks for your reviews!_

 _This scene would've occurred between chapters 45 and 46._

Chapter 8- Unexpected

It never missed, Johanna mused as she looked at her reflection in Jim's bathroom mirror. Every time you had plans, Mother Nature had to intervene with her so called 'special gift'. She sighed in disgust; Mother Nature was a real bitch at times...like the current moment. Jim had asked her to spend the weekend with him at his place and she had been looking forward to it; which probably should've been her first clue that something would spring up and put a damper on the whole idea. She just hadn't thought it would be her period; she could've sworn she had counted the days right but she must've made some error…or bitchy Mother Nature decided to spring it on her five days early just to screw up her plans. Either was a definite possibility.

She sighed; now she'd have to go home. Worse yet; she'd have to tell him why…not that he didn't know that she suffered once a month like every other woman in the world, but still…they were still early into this new phase of their relationship; it was her first weekend staying with him at his apartment and having it blown out of the water by this issue was slightly embarrassing. On the plus side; at least she now knew that the queasy stomach she had all day had been due to the impending arrival of her period and not some strange bout of nerves about staying with Jim.

At the thought of Jim, she figured she better get back to him; she imagined he had to be wondering what she was doing…and why she had left the bathroom once to retrieve her purse from the closet and then retreated back behind the locked bathroom door. Another sigh crossed her lips as she picked up her purse from its place on the sink; best to just go get it over with.

Johanna unlocked the bathroom door and slipped into the hallway. She took a breath and made her way back to the living room, Jim's questioning gaze meeting hers as soon as she stepped into the room.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

"Yeah," she answered; hesitating to tell him.

His brow rose. "I don't think I've ever known you to take your purse to the bathroom with you when you're at home."

Johanna shifted on her feet. "Speaking of home…I'm going to have to go home."

"Why?" he asked; surprise flicking across his features along with a hint of worry.

"Unforeseen circumstances."

"What the hell does that mean?"

She felt her cheeks warm. "I started my period."

Jim was quiet for a moment; processing the information. "So? That doesn't mean you have to go home."

"It does."

"Why?"

"Because I don't have what I need to deal with it here," Johanna replied.

His gaze flicked to the purse that she was holding. "Isn't that what your purse is for?"

Confusion furrowed her brow. "What does that mean?"

Jim shrugged. "Well isn't that why you women carry purses? So you can carry all your girl stuff with you? If you were only carrying a wallet you wouldn't need a bag, right? Isn't that thing full of makeup and hairbrushes and…you know…girl stuff."

She smirked in amusement. "Yeah; its got girl stuff in it; but in the period department, I don't have enough to last me through the weekend. I don't carry the whole package with me; I usually only carry two in case of emergency…I've got one left. I assure you that I need more."

"Then I'll take you to the drugstore and you can get what you need," he told her. "It's not a big deal."

"I should probably just go home."

Jim frowned. "Is this your way of saying you changed your mind about wanting to spend the weekend with me?"

"No!" she exclaimed. "I want to be here with you; I was looking forward to it, honestly I was. I really didn't expect this; I thought I was in the clear for another five days but I guess I miscounted…or it decided to come early; either is possible. I'm not trying to get away…its just that I'm not as prepared as I need to be for this issue."

"That's easily solved; I told you I'd take you to the drugstore."

"I know…but are you sure you're going to still want me here with this?"

"Why not? It's not like I can catch it," he laughed.

Johanna rolled her eyes but a smile tugged at her lips. "I meant that maybe you wouldn't want to chance running into a mood swing."

He laughed quietly. "Sweetheart; I've known you for three years…I've seen you in full mood swing; I can take it if it should occur."

"It's going to dampen some of your plans for the weekend," she remarked; her gaze meeting his and holding.

Jim shrugged. "I have a feeling that it's issue we're going to run into more than once, Jo; I mean I might not know everything about women but I know that this comes around once a month."

She laughed. "Well give you a gold star for getting that one right."

He chuckled lightly. "Hey, I try to be a little informed."

"Oh, I know…we did discuss this a little once before."

Jim nodded. "During the week of your sister's wedding…and it didn't send me running then so why should you run now?"

Johanna shrugged. "I don't know," she said softly. "I guess it just feels a little awkward because we're different now than we were then."

"I know," he replied; rising from the sofa and moving across the room to where she stood. "But we can't avoid it…and it's not like I've never been around you while you've had it…and it's not an issue to me. I want you to stay," he said as his hand curled around hers. "Do you want to stay?"

"Of course I do," she murmured.

"Then let me take you to the drugstore so you can get what you need...whatever is left at the end of the weekend you could just leave here…the bottom drawer in the sink cabinet in the bathroom is empty…it can be for anything you want to leave so you'll have it when you're here," Jim suggested, his hand squeezing the back of his neck as he wondered if she'd think it was too soon to offer her space in the bathroom.

She gave him a small shy smile. "Really?"

"Yeah; if that's okay with you."

Johanna laughed softly. "It's alright with me if it's alright with you…and I could do the same for you at my place."

"Deal," he replied; feeling better now that it seemed like mutual space was being offered. "Let's go get you taken care of and then we'll get back to unwinding from this week that seemed never ending."

"Sounds good," she replied, brushing a quick kiss against his lips before she turned and headed for the bedroom to get her shoes.

* * *

"You're going to go down this aisle with me?" Johanna asked as they walked through the drugstore toward the aisle that held feminine products.

Jim nodded. "I'm brave."

"I was surprised you even got out of the car," she confessed with a laugh.

"Why?"

"Because my father never got out of the car if he had to be the one to drive my mother, Colleen and I to run this errand. He doesn't come near this aisle."

Jim gave her an amused smirk. "This isn't the first time I've been in the girls aisle."

"The girls aisle?" she repeated with a laugh.

"Well that's what it is," he remarked, waving a hand at the products on the shelf. "There's nothing here that a man uses."

"My mother has always said that she wishes you all had to go through it just once so you know how it feels."

"No thanks," he replied. "I'll pass."

"I wish I could pass," Johanna quipped as she searched for her usual brand. "So how many other girlfriends have you made this trip with?"

"Is that jealousy I detect?"

"Nope; just undying curiosity."

"No other girlfriends," he answered. "I usually just let the others alone for a few days and told them to call me when they felt better."

Johanna turned away from her browsing to regard him with a raised brow. "Suddenly you sound like other men I've dated."

Jim grinned as he shrugged. "But keep in mind that I'm here with you as you buy what you need so you can stay with me for the weekend anyway; that makes me improved and still better than the others."

A smile touched her lips. "I suppose that's true; you haven't yet given me the 'call me when you feel better line'."

"And I promise you I wont," he replied. "My mother made me bring my sister once…she was fourteen."

"That had to be humiliating for her," she commented as she found the package she was looking for. "I can just imagine Frankie taking me to buy pads right now. He would've rather been beaten."

"I probably would've opted for the beating too," Jim remarked. "I thought I could stay in the car but then my mother said I had to go in with her and make sure she didn't buy tampons."

"I would've died if I had been her!" Johanna exclaimed.

He nodded. "We both wanted to die a little…she didn't look at me for a week."

"Why the hell didn't your mother take her?"

"She had a garden club meeting."

"And it couldn't wait?"

Jim met her gaze. "Nothing but famine, fire and death comes between Mom and her garden club. She said it wasn't a big deal; that Madelyn had to get over it and I had to know about it anyway to be prepared for when I would be married one day. Dad had already told us all he knew about it by then…so we'd understand Mom's mood swings. I wasn't interested in furthering my education at that point but you know how it goes…although there was a brief moment when I was tempted to ask why she couldn't buy tampons."

Johanna laughed. "But you spared your sister's feelings and didn't ask?"

"It's more like I was afraid to know and just wanted to get it over with."

She drifted toward the pain reliever aisle and he followed. "The next time I talk to my mother I'm going to thank her for always being the one to take me to the drugstore; Dad had to drive us once in awhile but she would've never asked him or Frankie to go into the store with Colleen or I while we did this kind of shopping. She respected our privacy and how it could be embarrassing for a teenage girl to think about her father or brother knowing. If for some reason she couldn't be the one to go with me, she'd call my grandfather's housekeeper and she'd take me. Then finally she deemed I was capable of going on my own when I was 15…and by then Colleen needed to go too so I had that joy of taking her along in my mother's place."

"I'm sure Colleen was relieved it was you and not Frankie."

"Oh I'm sure," she remarked as she grabbed a bottle of Midol. "Although I'm sure Frankie would've refused to take either one of us, especially if he was told to make sure we were shopping for the right product."

"Did your mother have a rule about certain products or was that oddity just reserved for my mother?" he asked; hating himself as he did so but he was still somewhat curious about it.

"Yes; my mother was the same way. Colleen and I weren't allowed to buy them either."

"Why?"

"Really?" she laughed. "You're asking me that?"

Jim shrugged. "If I can't ask you, who can I ask?"

"Mothers had their reasons for it," she answered.

"Yes, but what were the reasons?"

"I can't believe you're asking," she said as they remained in the aisle.

"The more you hem and haw about answering, the more curious I get," he laughed. "It must be pretty bad."

Johanna moved closer so she could whisper; a smirk on her lips. "You're going to regret wanting to know this, but women like my mother and your mother were taught not to use those things and they passed that on to us…because as my mother told me and Colleen, 'nice girls don't put things like that _in there_ '."

Shock colored his features. "You mean they make it out to be something sexual?" he whispered.

"Yes; that's how a lot of mothers and grandmothers feel about it; so they don't let their daughters use them. Some people switch when they get older, Colleen and I never did because then there was all this talk about them causing infections and stuff like that and personally I decided I'd just stick with what I know, and so did my sister. Do you regret asking now?"

"Very much," he replied. "Don't let me do that anymore."

"Could've been worse," she quipped; "You could've asked your mother."

He laughed. "I doubt she would've answered. She would've said it was none of my business…and I guess really it isn't."

"It's alright," Johanna told him. "We'll just say you like to be informed on a wide range of topics."

"And half of them I end up regretting. Do you need anything else to get through this?" he asked.

"Yeah, but I have to stop at my apartment for that."

"What?"

"You said I shouldn't let you ask these types of questions anymore since you end up regretting it."

"Well I figure I'm going to end up knowing anyway."

Johanna shook her head at him as she stopped at a candy display and grabbed a few candy bars. "You know that certain drawer that has different 'piles'?"

"Yeah."

"There's a pile for this….if you hadn't shunned your other girlfriends you'd know that we all have a special pile for this."

He smirked. "Consider my past of shunning this issue as you being lucky enough to receive the new, improved version of me."

"I'm so lucky," she quipped with a smile.

"I know," he replied; amusement in his gaze.

Johanna grabbed a magazine from another rack as they passed by; heading toward the cash register. She sighed, drawing her boyfriend's attention. "What's wrong?" Jim asked; "Did you forget something?"

"No; it's the cashier."

Jim glanced to the counter where a man was ringing up items for the woman in line. "You know him?"

"No."

"Then what's the problem?"

"I just hate when it's a man running the cash register when I have to buy pads," she replied.

"Why?"

"I don't know…it's just something most of us women feel…I guess it's embarrassing to think of some random man knowing that your uterus is in full rebellion."

Jim laughed. "I hadn't heard it described like that before."

She giggled. "I have to confess; I might've picked up that description from Maggie…but it's very on point."

He wrapped an arm around her as they continued to slowly move forward. "Well, sweetheart; I can't do anything about your rebellion but as for the cashier issue; he probably rings up so many of those things that it hardly registers in his brain anymore."

"That is a slightly comforting thought," she replied as they joined the line.

The line moved quickly and Jim stood by her side as she laid her items on the counter. The cashier took one look at the collection and subtly glanced at Jim; giving him what Jim could describe as a look of pity. He met the man's gaze and shrugged in the universal 'what are you going to do' code for all the issues that men faced when involved with a woman.

The cashier gave him a subtle understanding nod as he totaled up the items. Johanna handed over the money and grabbed her bag before collecting her change; her hand slipping into Jim's as they walked away.

"Next time I'm waiting in the car," he remarked as they left the store.

"Why?"

"The cashier gave me a look of pity, like he was thinking 'you poor bastard, you're in for it now'."

"He did not!"

"Yes, he did," Jim replied. "Men know that look; it's like a code of commiseration."

"Oh my God; you all act like you suffer so much and we're the ones who actually have to go through it."

"We feel your pain."

Johanna's brow rose as she glanced at him. "I highly doubt it."

"You don't think so?"

"Definitely not; I mean I'm pretty sure you don't know what cramps feel like."

"I'm guessing that I shouldn't compare it to a leg cramp?" Jim asked as he opened the car door for her.

She smirked in amusement. "It's not like a leg cramp…a leg cramp usually goes away quicker then period cramps. I will say though that sometimes you men have your own brand of mood swings and irritability."

He smiled. "Well then we can totally relate; right?"

"No; trust me you can't. Until you've had to bleed for three to five days; put up with the cramps, the headaches and the other handful of symptoms; you can't relate to anything about it."

Jim grimaced. "I feel like I should apologize and I'm not sure why."

Johanna laughed. "That just means you're a good, compassionate man, honey."

He leaned into the car and gave her a kiss. "I always try to be at my best for you."

"I know," she murmured.

"Next stop?" he asked.

"My apartment; I need selections from that other pile in my underwear drawer."

He nodded. "And another pile is identified…I told you I'd get them all figured out."

"Maybe I'll test you on it on a better night," Johanna teased as he stepped back.

"You do that," he told her before closing her door and rounding the car to get in on the driver's side.

* * *

Later that night as Jim entered his bedroom, he glanced at Johanna; taking note of how she was curled up beneath the covers with her magazine. He noticed that she was keeping her legs pulled up against her; she had even been sitting that way when they had been in the living room and he couldn't help wondering if it was done to somehow ease the discomfort of the cramps she had mentioned earlier. After all; he remembered when they had babysat his nieces and nephews and she had told him that the baby was drawing her legs up because of a stomachache…so it stood to reason that an adult might fall into that childhood habit; not that he'd dare mention it. The last thing he wanted was for her to think he was comparing her to a baby. She hadn't been moody but a comment like that could probably send things crashing down and he didn't want that.

He rounded the bed and climbed in on his side; his body moving towards hers without thought; his arm going around her. "How do you feel?" he asked; and then seeing the hint of a smile tugging at her lips, he added, "Or is that a stupid question?"

"It's not a stupid question," Johanna replied with a soft laugh. "I'm fine."

"Are you sure?"

She nodded. "It's nothing new to me; you know?"

"I know…but did you take any of that medicine you bought? I know you didn't take any when we first got home."

"I took some after I got out of the shower; it just hasn't kicked in yet."

His hand slid around her lower back; his fingers gently massaging the area as she stretched to lay her magazine on the nightstand. She smiled at him; her fingertips grazing the line of his jaw. "Is this helpful?" he asked quietly.

"Always," she murmured.

"Good…anything else I can do?"

Johanna shook her head. "I think you've covered everything, honey; you took me on the drugstore run; you made me tea…you didn't make fun of me for eating three candy bars in one night."

"I eat two burgers in one dinner; who am I to judge?" Jim asked.

She laughed. "I appreciate it just the same."

He grinned before brushing his lips against hers. "I'm glad you stayed."

"I'm glad you wanted me to," she replied. "Some men would rather stay out of range."

"I can't say I've never been that way; because I have," he replied; "But you're different."

"How come?"

"Because I love you…and no matter what issue you're dealing with; I want to be with you."

"Even when it interferes with some of our plans?"

"Which plans would those be?"

A light blush spread across her cheeks. "Oh you know the ones…those ones you've been whispering in my ear since yesterday…about how we were going to spend these nights."

"There will be other opportunities to put those plans in motion," he replied; "But I'm not as disappointed as you think."

"No?"

He shook his head. "No…I'm just as happy to just be here with you like this."

Johanna smiled and shifted closer, snuggling against him. "I'm happy with these moments too…but I am sorry that I counted wrong."

"No need to be sorry, sweetheart; things happen…and if we're both happy with moments like this; then really there's nothing to apologize for, is there?"

"No, I guess not."

"Then don't worry about it anymore; as long as I get to spend the weekend with you, I'm happy; no matter what we're doing."

"Me too," she whispered before capturing his lips in a kiss. "I love you."

"I love you too," Jim said as he shifted and stretched to reach the switch of the light to turn it off. "Get some rest; it'll help you feel better."

Johanna smiled as she settled against him once more; the feel of his fingertips warm against her back as he continued to massage the area. It wasn't going to be exactly the weekend they planned on…but she had a feeling it would be just as special anyway.


End file.
